In my younger years, when someone betrayed or hurt me, I would hold on to that hurt for dear life, determined not to forget what they did to me. As the years passed and I matured in my faith, I realized two things. First, there was no need to hold on to it, because doing so only kept me angry and anxious. Second, the person who hurt me often didn’t care that I was hurt. They just moved on.

Now, at this ripe old age, I can say that it is easier for me to forgive someone who has hurt or betrayed me. What I don’t do, however, is put myself in a position for them to do it again. I won’t pretend that I don’t think about the betrayal; I would be less than human if I did not. But I don’t wallow in it anymore.

Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Forgiveness is something I give, because God asks it of me. Trust has to be earned back, and sometimes it never is. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Forgiving someone does not mean walking back into the fire. It means I stop letting that fire burn inside me.

If you are dealing with something similar today, I will offer a little advice that has helped me move beyond it. First Peter 5:7 says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you,” and Psalm 55:22 says, “Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.” Focus on these scriptures for a moment. Can you see what they are saying? They are telling us that whatever we are facing, whether anxieties, betrayals, burdens, or hurts, we can give them to God.

You might say that’s easier said than done, and I would agree. But here’s the real truth: we do not have to rely on our own strength to do it. We need to remember to ask the Holy Spirit to help us where we know we fall short. Our human brains tell us to lash out, to find a way to get them back, to destroy them. But the spiritual side says, “Give your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.”

So, regardless of what you are going through today, you have someone who faced the same thing: Jesus. He was betrayed by Judas, one of His own disciples, and denied by Peter, one of His closest friends. Yet from the cross He said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Hebrews 4:15 reminds us, “This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.”

I am in no way saying we are Jesus, but if we follow Him, we can overcome the temptation to get back at the one who betrayed us. We can lean into doing what is right and away from anything that would weaken our witness for Him.

So forgive, but don’t return to the fire. God will take care of you.