trust

Forgive, But Don’t Return to the Fire

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

In my younger years, when someone betrayed or hurt me, I would hold on to that hurt for dear life, determined not to forget what they did to me. As the years passed and I matured in my faith, I realized two things. First, there was no need to hold on to it, because doing so only kept me angry and anxious. Second, the person who hurt me often didn’t care that I was hurt. They just moved on.

Now, at this ripe old age, I can say that it is easier for me to forgive someone who has hurt or betrayed me. What I don’t do, however, is put myself in a position for them to do it again. I won’t pretend that I don’t think about the betrayal; I would be less than human if I did not. But I don’t wallow in it anymore.

Woman tending a beach bonfire with friends and coastal cliffs behind

Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Forgiveness is something I give, because God asks it of me. Trust has to be earned back, and sometimes it never is. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Forgiving someone does not mean walking back into the fire. It means I stop letting that fire burn inside me.

If you are dealing with something similar today, I will offer a little advice that has helped me move beyond it. First Peter 5:7 says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you,” and Psalm 55:22 says, “Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.” Focus on these scriptures for a moment. Can you see what they are saying? They are telling us that whatever we are facing, whether anxieties, betrayals, burdens, or hurts, we can give them to God.

You might say that’s easier said than done, and I would agree. But here’s the real truth: we do not have to rely on our own strength to do it. We need to remember to ask the Holy Spirit to help us where we know we fall short. Our human brains tell us to lash out, to find a way to get them back, to destroy them. But the spiritual side says, “Give your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.”

So, regardless of what you are going through today, you have someone who faced the same thing: Jesus. He was betrayed by Judas, one of His own disciples, and denied by Peter, one of His closest friends. Yet from the cross He said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Hebrews 4:15 reminds us, “This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.”

I am in no way saying we are Jesus, but if we follow Him, we can overcome the temptation to get back at the one who betrayed us. We can lean into doing what is right and away from anything that would weaken our witness for Him.

So forgive, but don’t return to the fire. God will take care of you.

Overcoming Disappointment: Embracing Grace and Forgiveness

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

I will never ask if you have been disappointed; that question would be ridiculous. Disappointments are as inevitable as breathing. They come with living. And I understand that, although they can be life-changing, they do not have to destroy you.

overcoming

Like me, you can yell from the mountaintop that you have had your share of disappointments. We can agree that the most hurtful comes from those closest to you. Let’s be honest; we expect more from those who know our struggles. Those who we feel know our most intimate and most challenging life experiences. So, when they hurt us, it cuts deep. It takes a long time to heal and bounce back. We also ask ourselves, “why” as we question the occurrence. Wondering not only “why” but “what” did we miss?

Well, you missed nothing, and you missed everything. You missed nothing because you trusted your friends. They were your closet and dearest. You missed everything because there were probably hints that you chose to ignore. And why wouldn’t you? They are your friends, of course.

Do you remember a man that many of us admire and follow? He was humble, gentle, kind, and loving. He shared His innermost thoughts with His closest circle, those He could trust. Yet, even after they walked with Him daily, slept beside Him each night, ate with Him, cried with Him, laughed with Him, and ministered beside Him, not one but all of His closest confidantes betrayed, denied, and abandoned Him. You know as well as I that this person was Jesus, a figure known for his resilience and forgiveness in the face of disappointment. I wouldn’t say I like comparing myself or anyone to Him. However, we can look to Him as our example.

What did He do when He knew Judas Iscariot was about to betray Him? He said, “Hurry, and go do what you need to do.” This response, while seemingly accepting of the betrayal, was actually a demonstration of Jesus’s grace and forgiveness. When Peter boasted about never leaving Jesus, what did Jesus say? “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” Peter was indignant and argued that it would never happen, yet it did. Matthew 26:21-35
“Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.” And they began to say to him one after another, “Surely not I, Lord?” … Then Jesus said to them, “You will all become deserters because of me this night.” Peter said to him, “Even though I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And so said all the disciples.”

Despite these disappointments, knowing they would happen, Jesus dealt graciously. He even washed their feet! Can I do that? In my younger years, no. Today, I may be able to. What is true to me is that disappointments grow us. They mature us, give us experience, and help us rise higher. There is hope and growth on the other side of disappointment.If you are dealing with disappointment today, know that Jesus dealt with it, too. The Bible tells us that “He was in every way tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:19.

I say, feel hurt, grieve the betrayal, heal, and move on. God has something better waiting for you when you are ready. You are not alone .

Imposter Syndrome? Grace Transforms Insecurities

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Recently, I explored a theme that I have heard repeatedly. The phrase is Imposter Syndrome. After reading about it and hearing comments from various people, I began to wonder about it for myself. Do I ever experience this phenomenon? If I did, would I admit it to anyone? I would admit it to my husband. But in such a competitive world, I can see why people feel they are imposters, especially at work.

imposter syndrome


Social media doesn’t help, either. We believe everything we see on these platforms; worst yet, some of us compare ourselves to others and measure our happiness by their posts. We see friends and family traveling the world, looking happy, only to hear not long after a trip that there is shocking news that life, perhaps, wasn’t as rosy as portrayed. Also, look at the extremely popular people, and suddenly, we hear that they decided this life was just too hard.
To a certain extent, we can all be imposters at some point. However, I would not ascribe that description to many people I know. We are all just trying to do our best. Life gets complicated, and people want not only to survive but also to thrive. So they put on a face, even when the going gets tough, and forge ahead.

gods grace


If you feel you are an imposter, a person who often wears a mask to conceal your insecurities, join the club. But, also know that God knows who we are from the inside out and still loves us. His grace is a mirror reflecting our true worth.


I am sure you know this scripture, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works so that no one can boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9. See, there you have it. The scripture tells us that the unearned nature of God’s grace destroys our insecurities.


God’s unconditional love breaks the chains of the imposter syndrome because His love fosters a sense of security in His grace. I know some of you are struggling with this issue, but as I have told myself and others, you are not an imposter. Where you are right now is where you are supposed to be. If you are in a boardroom feeling you shouldn’t be there, or if you are in a bathroom trying to get the nerve up to enter a space, you feel overwhelmed, chin up, back straight, and walk like the child of God you are. Find strength and confidence through Christ.

What Is It About Me?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever found yourself pondering the enigmatic question, “What is it about me?” It’s a question that tends to surface when relationships crumble right before our eyes, leaving us with a sense of confusion and heartache. We wonder why people betray us, and we may even question what could be inherently wrong with us. The quest to understand the root of this issue can be both introspective and revealing.

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that the notion of betrayal is a complex and multifaceted aspect of human relationships. It often stems from various factors, such as miscommunication, unmet expectations, and personal insecurities. While it’s easy to internalize these experiences and wonder what we did wrong, it’s crucial to remember that betrayal is not always a reflection of our worth or character.

proverbs 3

Scripture provides wisdom and comfort during times of personal reflection and adversity. In times of doubt and introspection, we can turn to my favorite book, the Bible, in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.” This scripture reminds us that while we may question ourselves and our circumstances, ultimately, trust in God can provide clarity and guidance.

Self-reflection is an essential step in understanding the dynamics of our relationships. It can help us identify patterns in our interactions with others and reveal areas where we may need personal growth or improvement. However, this should not be a journey of self-blame or self-criticism, but rather an opportunity for self-awareness and self-empowerment.

When you find yourself asking, “What is it about me?” don’t do so blaming yourself for whatever went wrong. Instead, reframe your thoughts and consider the following:

  • Misunderstandings can lead to strained relationships. Reflect on your communication style. I didn’t say change it, but consider how you communicate. I know I have to do so regularly.
  • Unrealistic or unspoken expectations can lead to disappointment and feelings of betrayal.
  • Self-esteem and self-worth play a significant role in how we perceive and respond to betrayal. I have a strong sense of self and that helps me navigate challenging situations more confidently.
  • Betrayal can erode trust, making it difficult to establish healthy connections. I remind myself often that I have trust issues and that causes me to keep my guard up. Consider how trust issues may have affected your relationships and what steps you can take to rebuild trust.
  • Use the experience of betrayal as an opportunity for personal growth. Embrace the lessons learned, and seek ways to become a better version of yourself.
  • Sometimes, seeking guidance from a trusted friend or therapist can provide valuable insights and support in understanding your role in relationships and any recurring patterns.

Remember that relationships are a two-way street. While self-reflection is essential, it’s equally important to recognize that betrayal often arises from the complexities of both parties involved. Ultimately, asking “What is it about me?” can be a catalyst for personal growth and healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It’s a question that can lead to self-discovery and a deeper understanding of the intricate dynamics of human connections.

Over the years, I have always had my guard up. People who knew me understood the guarded me and just accepted it. But there has always been a good reason to guard me, because true to form, people I would let it, would end up betraying me. Most times, I would accept the betrayal as another lesson learned, but there have been times when I had to ask myself, “What is it about me?”

What Do We Do?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Every year, we hope the new year will bring something more wonderful than the year before. Some people, like me, make resolutions (I call them goals), while others feel doing so wastes time. Regardless, I am always hopeful about the future and what the new year will bring.

This year has gotten off to a rocky start for some. Although I feel my life is blessed beyond measure, I am devastated as the next person when something tragic happens to friends or family. Well, that is how this year started and continues today. As I write this blog, I cannot help but reflect on the news I received from a close family member of the scary “C” word. But, in the last week, close friends have lost loved ones, and others have experienced hearing the bad news of some kind regarding themselves or someone close to them.

joshua+1-5

I recognize that sickness and death are a part of our life cycle. Nevertheless, when people go through these life-changing events, I am reminded of how precious life is and how grateful I am to be given another day. I also think about the pain and heartbreak those closest to the situation are going through. I would like to know what I can do to ease the pain. When they share their devastating news, what do I say? I understand. We don’t if we haven’t experienced it, and even if we have, we don’t understand their particular circumstances. Then, do we say, I will be praying for you? Of course, we will, but more than those praying statements may be needed.

What do we do when we don’t know what to do? I can’t outline a plan for anyone to follow in such situations. I can only share that I stop a prayer. I pray that God will give me the right words or lead me to be quiet and sit in silence, waiting on Him to lead the way. Sometimes the silence is deafening, and we want to fill the space. But we should not rush to fill the silence; we should let the Holy Spirit do His work in that time.

One of the most effective tools in our arsenal in difficult times can be disconnecting from all the voices and plugging into the one voice that is sometimes drowned out in the chaos. The voice we need to hear the most is the voice of God. I am not saying an audible voice, but the feeling in your soul, whispering softly, reminding you that you are not alone. Or through something you read that reminds you of how strong you are even in your most vulnerable state because He is with you. You may feel alone, but you are not alone. You may feel helpless to help someone you love going through something you wish you could change, but you are not weak; you have hope. That hope can be shared through your smile, support, or just sitting and listening to another person.

No matter where we find ourselves today, I know that where we are, we are supposed to be. God will use us during the good times and in the dark times. And that’s it—be, the vessel He uses regardless of what is happening around you.

Fan the Flames?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Recently, I have thought seriously about just disconnecting. Some time ago, a person said to me that they could not keep a gratitude journal I had suggested because they did not see themselves writing the same things day after day in that journal. They were thankful, but they would get bored doing the same exercise each day. I remember thinking that I had done it for years and I could do it. But, I also felt that I would never stop doing it.

fan the flames

For years, I have gotten up in the early morning hours to read the Bible and pray. However, over the last year, I have noticed my early morning prayers getting shorter. I can remember saying to God to stir in me the passion for worship, His Word, and fellowship with others, just as I had when I was younger. I prayed that my prayer process did not become mechanical and mundane. Now, I feel that is exactly what it has become.

What do I do when I feel the very thing that has kept me is somehow losing its appeal? What happens when I don’t feel like reading, praying, or even interacting with others? Then it came to me. The reason I read, prayed, and took part in routine fellowship was for moments just like these. When I reflected on the “why” of my emotional state, I found that to be a good process. To ask myself questions that force me to look inward and evaluate my life is what many people go through. Those who have strong faith recognize what’s happening immediately. Do you know why? It’s because we have exercised specific disciplines throughout the years.

What do you do when you feel distant & disconnected from God or the people of God? How do you handle the feeling of ineptness, routine, boredom, or downright “I don’t feel like it anymore?” I will share what I have done. I have stepped back and asked the Holy Spirit to show me what to do. I have also asked the Holy Spirit to stir up a fire in me. I don’t believe that I would know to do that had I not read that in the Bible repeatedly over the years. In 2 Timothy 1:6-14, we are told the following: “That is why I would remind you to stir up (rekindle the embers of, fan the flame of, and keep burning) the [gracious] gift of God, [the inner fire] that is in you by means of the laying on of my hands.” This scripture speaks to me. Even more is what comes after in verse 7,  “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and love and calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 

These scriptures are reminders of a couple of things to me. First, I have to know without a doubt that regardless of what I am feeling, God is with me. He said He would not leave me or forsake me. As such, I have to trust that if I would pursue Him, I will find Him. Stirring up the fire to me means to press through despite the so-called boredom. It means to think of the things of God or the enemy will have me thinking, “why bother?” Also, I realize that I have a responsibility to fan the flames and trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest. Second, I have to be bold enough to say to myself or my distractions that there is power in the disciplines. I don’t have to feel an emotional high; instead, I have to trust God. If I go boldly to the Throne of Grace, He will be there waiting.

So, what do you do when you “feel” you have lost your fire? Fan the flame! We’re not as hot and burning as when we first received the Lord. But Romans 12:11 encourages us not to be “slothful in zeal, but be burning in spirit, serving the Lord.” So, remember, when you go through the season of slothfulness, God wants us on fire for Him. It may not be in your human spirit, but your born-again spirit will be willing.

2 Timothy1-7

These scriptures are reminders of a couple of things to me. First, I have to know without a doubt that regardless of what I am feeling, God is with me. He said He would not leave me or forsake me. As such, I have to trust that if I would pursue Him, I will find Him. Stirring up the fire to me means to press through despite of the so-called boredom. It means to think of the things of God or the enemy will have me thinking “why bother?” Also, I realize that I have a responsibility to fan the flames and trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest. Second, I have to be bold enough to say to myself or to my distractions that there is power in the disciplines. I don’t have to feel an emotional high, rather, I have to trust God. If I go boldly to the Throne of Grace, He will be there waiting.

So, what do you do when you “feel” you have lost your fire? Fan the flame! We’re not as hot and burning as when we first received the Lord. But Romans 12:11 exhorts us not to be “slothful in zeal, but be burning in spirit, serving the Lord.” So, when you go through the season of slothfulness, remember, God wants us on fire for Him. It may not be in your human spirit, but your born again spirit, is willing

Uncertain?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

 

I am sure you have seen the comments about the pandemic from the news media, your friends on social media, and probably family members and close friends. People who are experts in one area are now experts on the pandemic too. I believe we will all do well to press into God and listen to His voice, especially during these times of uncertainty.
We don’t know what the future holds; we I know who holds the future. No joke. I also know that even if I knew what the future had in store for me, I cannot do one thing about it except watch and wait. So, I sit at my home, just like you, and wait to see what’s next.

uncertaintyWhile I wait, I pray that my faith stays strong. I pray to shut out all the “experts” who are not experts, and I pray to take things seriously and also not to overreact.
I remind myself when the semi-experts begin to talk that God empowered professionals to study medicine and all kinds of diseases. I will listen to them. Also, I remind myself that everything is not a conspiracy. So when I read where people are spreading innuendo and gossip, I move right pass them. Listen, this is the time to trust God and listen to the scientists and medical experts.
I am no medical expert, nor am I a Biblical scholar. I am, on the other hand, a Believer. Not just a Sunday Believer, but an every day, Bible read and prayer Believer. I know that God has a plan and purpose for each of us. I do trust that His will be done. I also have to trust what the medical experts tell me and take their guidance seriously. So I wash my hands regularly, stay away from crowds, go out to exercise alone, and then I go back to my house and remain unless there is an urgent need.

Like you, I don’t like uncertainty. What keeps me going? Believing what the Word of God tells me. 2 Timothy1:7, “For God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-faithoverfearcontrol.” So I try very hard not to fear, but to trust. His Word says in John 14:18, “I will not leave you desolate: I will come unto you.” Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” So, I remind myself the God is here right amid this uncertainty. He said He would be, so I will not fear. The scripture that really speaks to me during these times of uncertainty is found in Psalms 23:4, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me…” Feeding my mind with the Word of God rather than people reduces my anxiety.

There is no doubt that uncertainty fuels fear. However, faith can help us to overcome that fear. Recognize that having faith does mean we are void of fear; it means we can look at fear and trust God despite what we see or feel.
I want to encourage you today. If you do not generally read, start reading your Bible each day. Also, stop and say a simple prayer and remember to think about the needs of others. These acts will reduce your anxiety. More importantly, these acts will take the focus off yourself and cause you to care for the needs of your family, friends, and neighbors. These acts are contagious and will have a domino effect that can impact your attitude and the attitudes of those around you.

God is not Surprised..

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

God is not suprised 2If you have lived long enough, you have probably experienced rejection and disappointment with people you have trusted. You may recall being on top of the world one minute and deep in the depths of despair another. Because you have been treated so poorly, you may have questioned your own value and worth.  Don’t!

Too many times we turn our attention to people and things. We put too much value into what they are doing to us than into what God is doing in us.  The fact of the matter is, even though you may experience some “great” loss with a person or thing, it was never great; it was necessary. Although you may be going through a tough time because you may feel you have lost something or someone, think of it as a time of renewal because God is doing a new work in you.  The one thing you thought you needed, you will soon find out it was a blessing that you didn’t get it. So, don’t get mad with those who thought they were keeping something from you. No, they were doing exactly as God needed them to do, whether they know it or believe it.  Had whatever you hoped for worked out the way you expected it to, that thing would have kept you from being available for the greater things God has in store for you.

What I have learned through my own disappointments is that when I am disappointed, I question my abilities and I question who I am. Maybe I was trusting my own abilities too much in the beginning. Maybe I had forgotten to let God be first and I had allowed others in His place. Maybe the times I have felt used and alone in the wilderness, was really a time for self-evaluation, not self-criticism. Maybe it was time for God to get my attention so that He could complete a different work in and through me that would take me to the next level.

Remember, disappointments happen to us all. Although we may be surprised by the actions or inactions of others, God is never surprised.  He has my back and He has yours too!

All In God’s Timing

~ authorlasharnda ~ 1 Comment

Have you ever found yourself praying and praying for a thing and it seems that nothing, absolutely nothing, is happening? It appears that your prayers are not getting through or psalm 43-5-hopeyou feel that God is hearing you, but choosing to ignore you?  Have you experienced a change of some kind? If you sit quietly and think about it, maybe you have felt a shift in your life.  You don’t know why things have changed to your disadvantage when they were always to your advantage?

The only advice I can offer is found in Matthew 5:45, “He makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust” (ESV). When I have read this passage in the past, I took it as God blesses the bad person and the good person equally, but as I read commentaries, the scripture makes a lot more sense.  Jesus was teaching the Disciples that they should be good to their enemies (us too).  His example to them was that God lets the sunshine and the rain fall on both the good person and the bad one. However, God does not give spiritual blessings equally.

A light bulb went off when I thought about what the commentary stated, “if your enemy is hungry, feed them as you would feed yourself.” It takes a specific and rare quality to do that.  I say it takes a person of deep-abiding faith, a person who keeps a positive attitude during pain and struggle, and a person who stays clear of gossip that will inflame their already upset conscious, instead, they seek out God to talk to about their struggles.

This particular person understands the spiritual undertones, and they don’t seek to get revenge, they may want to understand what is happening, but most importantly, they go to God in prayer. This person is filled with the Holy Spirit, and although far from perfect themselves, they know their God is perfect, and He may seem to be far away, but He isn’t. He is sitting high and seeing all things. He may be quiet, but He has not abandoned them.

Yes, God reigns on the unjust as He reigns on the just.  Times change, people change, situations change also. When life shifts from good to bad, you may fret initially, that is understandable. After a little while, ask yourself this: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior, and my God.” Then begin praising Him no matter what the circumstances because times change, people change, and situations will change again in your favor.

Overcome your Obstacles

~ authorlasharnda ~ 1 Comment

It’s Resurrection Month!

happy resurrection dayDuring the entire month I have experienced one stressor after the other. In fact, I think sometimes we forget just how challenging life can be.

On Monday, I attended an early morning meeting. On Friday, I was told that someone said I was dismissive of an administrative assistant at that Monday morning meeting. On Tuesday I was busy re-doing a plan that I had worked on almost the entire month of March. During working meet the deadline of getting the plane done, I had to get up, get in my car, drive to another building with 3-inch heels on trying to get from the parking lot to the elevator and up to another luncheon meeting.  On Wednesday my entire morning process was blown because I had to rearrange my morning to be at another meeting that lasted 4 hours. By the time I got to Thursday, things were turning around for the better and Friday would have been great had I not heard about my dismissive behavior to an Admin on Monday! I haven’t told you everything that happened last week either.

I share a glimpse of my week at the office, but I said nothing about home.  Because I was dealing with the news of illnesses on three different fronts, out-of-state and out-of-the-country.  Oh, did I mention I picked up either a cold or allergies? I was coughing profusely, with stuffy nose and headaches too. This week on for an entire week, the week before.  Oh, but this week my husband picked up the same systems. In the midst of chaos and stress, you have to stay positive and encouraging to others, especially when they share good news.  How in the world can anyone manage the ups and downs of life without faith is a question I always ask. Not only can life be challenging, it can be overwhelming!  What do you do when it seems as if everything is closing in on you? How do you handle a spouse’s blowup or a child’s misbehavior or a boss who has lost confidence in your ability to do your job? How do you handle what life throws at you?

I don’t think you have to have all the answers, you just have to know who the source of your answers is. Who do you turn to when life seems out of control? Many times we want to find a confidante to tell all our problems to.  There is certainly nothing wrong with sharing with a “trusted” friend, but even doing that can cause problems when they decide not to be your “trusted” friend anymore.

There is someone that you can trust fully and He will stick with you through thick and thin. He will never leave you and He is an expert on any topic.  The Word of God says in John 14:14, “If you ask ME anything in My name, I will do it.” So, during this past week, I had to go back to Jesus multiple times and ask for His help to get through personality changes, coldness, suspicions, and fear.  I had to “press-in” during prayer each morning and I had to wait.  During my time of waiting, I had to remind myself that He will hear me, but what was most important was I had to believe that He was going to do something. It didn’t happen right away, but what I prayed for eventually came. So I say to you, whatever is going on in your life; whatever stressors you are facing, pray, let go, and let God handle it through Christ. Remember John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 

Happy Resurrection Day!