#forgive

Forgive, But Don’t Return to the Fire

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

In my younger years, when someone betrayed or hurt me, I would hold on to that hurt for dear life, determined not to forget what they did to me. As the years passed and I matured in my faith, I realized two things. First, there was no need to hold on to it, because doing so only kept me angry and anxious. Second, the person who hurt me often didn’t care that I was hurt. They just moved on.

Now, at this ripe old age, I can say that it is easier for me to forgive someone who has hurt or betrayed me. What I don’t do, however, is put myself in a position for them to do it again. I won’t pretend that I don’t think about the betrayal; I would be less than human if I did not. But I don’t wallow in it anymore.

Woman tending a beach bonfire with friends and coastal cliffs behind

Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Forgiveness is something I give, because God asks it of me. Trust has to be earned back, and sometimes it never is. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Forgiving someone does not mean walking back into the fire. It means I stop letting that fire burn inside me.

If you are dealing with something similar today, I will offer a little advice that has helped me move beyond it. First Peter 5:7 says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you,” and Psalm 55:22 says, “Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.” Focus on these scriptures for a moment. Can you see what they are saying? They are telling us that whatever we are facing, whether anxieties, betrayals, burdens, or hurts, we can give them to God.

You might say that’s easier said than done, and I would agree. But here’s the real truth: we do not have to rely on our own strength to do it. We need to remember to ask the Holy Spirit to help us where we know we fall short. Our human brains tell us to lash out, to find a way to get them back, to destroy them. But the spiritual side says, “Give your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.”

So, regardless of what you are going through today, you have someone who faced the same thing: Jesus. He was betrayed by Judas, one of His own disciples, and denied by Peter, one of His closest friends. Yet from the cross He said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Hebrews 4:15 reminds us, “This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.”

I am in no way saying we are Jesus, but if we follow Him, we can overcome the temptation to get back at the one who betrayed us. We can lean into doing what is right and away from anything that would weaken our witness for Him.

So forgive, but don’t return to the fire. God will take care of you.

I Don’t Want To Let It Go!

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

let goI don’t know how anyone can go through life holding onto bitterness. Do you?  I mean, I get ticked off with people too.  I can understand getting angry, and I even understand not speaking to someone who has hurt you, but not talking to them forever? That’s nuts! You know why?  Because the other person isn’t being affected, you are! At the end of the day, you do not hurt the person you are mad at in the least. Oh, I know you think you do. But you don’t.

Let’s talk about “that person.” You know, the one for which you are holding your grudge. They have moved on. You are stuck.  Why? The person who is holding the grudge (you) is the person hurting. No? Yes, you are. You are the one who continues to recall what the other person did to you. The one who did the hurting tends to forget and move on to the next thing.  If they are narcissists, they are more focused on the attention they can get next rather than stuck watching you. If someone asked them why you don’t speak to them, most times than not, they just don’t care or remember. Hey, but you are the person who got hurt, you didn’t forget, did you? You probably remember the day, the hour of the day, and what you were wearing when it happened!

positive attitudeLet me ask you a question. Do you ever get tired? Tired of recalling those negative experiences? Tired of remembering what someone did to you? I am not saying that you have to be naive and continue to be friends with them. I am saying that you can learn from the experience, move on and be a more positive, productive and happy person.

Do you prefer feeling angry? Do you like thinking dark thoughts? Of course not, those thoughts and feelings are negative and defeatist. When I find myself thinking about what someone has done to me, I tend to over think the situation. I play and replay it over and over in my mind.  I sometimes have to talk myself out of thinking about the situation and that person.  See how much wasted energy these kinds of thoughts bring?  Change your way of thinking when you deal with these kinds of disappointments. Learn to flip that switch. You will feel better when you think positive.

Anyway, I am just trying to say this: You are a better person when you allow yourself to let go.  The best “You” comes through and that “You” not only changes the person you are on the inside, but it also changes those around you too. Well, it may not change the person who wronged you, but Who cares?  When you leave them behind and focus on what’s in front of you, the happy things, life will change.

Forget about things that will hold you down. Forget about people who will cause you to stumble. While you are focused on them, they are busy succeeding, and you are busy getting stuck.  Remember, if you can’t forgive someone for the wrong they have done to you, you can’t expect anyone to forgive you for the wrong you have done either. “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15.