#It’sYourLife

Embracing Gentleness: The Power of Softening Our Words

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

I begin today by reflecting on a concept that holds immense power yet often goes overlooked in our daily interactions: gentleness. As someone who has long believed in the direct approach, I’ve come to understand the importance of softening our words and embracing gentleness in our communication.

embrace gentleness


In a world where candor and straightforwardness are often celebrated, it’s easy to overlook the impact our words can have on others. The truth is, our words have the power to either build up or tear down, to inspire, or to wound. And in the pursuit of being direct, we sometimes forget the profound effect our tone and delivery can have on those around us.
The Bible offers wisdom, reminding us that “gentle words turn away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1.


This simple yet profound truth underscores the transformative power of gentleness in our interactions. When we approach others with gentleness, we not only disarm hostility but also create an environment of understanding and empathy.

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Gentleness does not imply weakness or timidity; rather, it signifies strength under control. It takes courage to temper our words, to choose kindness over bluntness, and to prioritize the well-being of others above our desire to be heard. Moreover, gentleness fosters deeper connections and strengthens relationships. When we communicate with gentleness, we convey respect, humility, and a genuine concern for the feelings of others. It allows us to navigate conflicts with grace and resolve differences with compassion.


Our goal should be to cultivate gentleness in our speech and actions and to remember that it is not about diluting our message or compromising our values. Instead, it is about infusing our interactions with warmth, empathy, and understanding.


Today and the days to follow, let us embrace gentleness as a guiding principle in our communication. Let’s recognize its transformative power to diffuse tension, foster connection, and cultivate harmony in our personal and professional relationships. May we always remember the absolute truth, the Word of God, that gentle words turn away wrath, and they have the extraordinary ability to sow seeds of peace.

Imposter Syndrome? Grace Transforms Insecurities

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Recently, I explored a theme that I have heard repeatedly. The phrase is Imposter Syndrome. After reading about it and hearing comments from various people, I began to wonder about it for myself. Do I ever experience this phenomenon? If I did, would I admit it to anyone? I would admit it to my husband. But in such a competitive world, I can see why people feel they are imposters, especially at work.

imposter syndrome


Social media doesn’t help, either. We believe everything we see on these platforms; worst yet, some of us compare ourselves to others and measure our happiness by their posts. We see friends and family traveling the world, looking happy, only to hear not long after a trip that there is shocking news that life, perhaps, wasn’t as rosy as portrayed. Also, look at the extremely popular people, and suddenly, we hear that they decided this life was just too hard.
To a certain extent, we can all be imposters at some point. However, I would not ascribe that description to many people I know. We are all just trying to do our best. Life gets complicated, and people want not only to survive but also to thrive. So they put on a face, even when the going gets tough, and forge ahead.

gods grace


If you feel you are an imposter, a person who often wears a mask to conceal your insecurities, join the club. But, also know that God knows who we are from the inside out and still loves us. His grace is a mirror reflecting our true worth.


I am sure you know this scripture, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works so that no one can boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9. See, there you have it. The scripture tells us that the unearned nature of God’s grace destroys our insecurities.


God’s unconditional love breaks the chains of the imposter syndrome because His love fosters a sense of security in His grace. I know some of you are struggling with this issue, but as I have told myself and others, you are not an imposter. Where you are right now is where you are supposed to be. If you are in a boardroom feeling you shouldn’t be there, or if you are in a bathroom trying to get the nerve up to enter a space, you feel overwhelmed, chin up, back straight, and walk like the child of God you are. Find strength and confidence through Christ.

What Is It About Me?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever found yourself pondering the enigmatic question, “What is it about me?” It’s a question that tends to surface when relationships crumble right before our eyes, leaving us with a sense of confusion and heartache. We wonder why people betray us, and we may even question what could be inherently wrong with us. The quest to understand the root of this issue can be both introspective and revealing.

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that the notion of betrayal is a complex and multifaceted aspect of human relationships. It often stems from various factors, such as miscommunication, unmet expectations, and personal insecurities. While it’s easy to internalize these experiences and wonder what we did wrong, it’s crucial to remember that betrayal is not always a reflection of our worth or character.

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Scripture provides wisdom and comfort during times of personal reflection and adversity. In times of doubt and introspection, we can turn to my favorite book, the Bible, in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.” This scripture reminds us that while we may question ourselves and our circumstances, ultimately, trust in God can provide clarity and guidance.

Self-reflection is an essential step in understanding the dynamics of our relationships. It can help us identify patterns in our interactions with others and reveal areas where we may need personal growth or improvement. However, this should not be a journey of self-blame or self-criticism, but rather an opportunity for self-awareness and self-empowerment.

When you find yourself asking, “What is it about me?” don’t do so blaming yourself for whatever went wrong. Instead, reframe your thoughts and consider the following:

  • Misunderstandings can lead to strained relationships. Reflect on your communication style. I didn’t say change it, but consider how you communicate. I know I have to do so regularly.
  • Unrealistic or unspoken expectations can lead to disappointment and feelings of betrayal.
  • Self-esteem and self-worth play a significant role in how we perceive and respond to betrayal. I have a strong sense of self and that helps me navigate challenging situations more confidently.
  • Betrayal can erode trust, making it difficult to establish healthy connections. I remind myself often that I have trust issues and that causes me to keep my guard up. Consider how trust issues may have affected your relationships and what steps you can take to rebuild trust.
  • Use the experience of betrayal as an opportunity for personal growth. Embrace the lessons learned, and seek ways to become a better version of yourself.
  • Sometimes, seeking guidance from a trusted friend or therapist can provide valuable insights and support in understanding your role in relationships and any recurring patterns.

Remember that relationships are a two-way street. While self-reflection is essential, it’s equally important to recognize that betrayal often arises from the complexities of both parties involved. Ultimately, asking “What is it about me?” can be a catalyst for personal growth and healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It’s a question that can lead to self-discovery and a deeper understanding of the intricate dynamics of human connections.

Over the years, I have always had my guard up. People who knew me understood the guarded me and just accepted it. But there has always been a good reason to guard me, because true to form, people I would let it, would end up betraying me. Most times, I would accept the betrayal as another lesson learned, but there have been times when I had to ask myself, “What is it about me?”

Overcoming Fake Friends…

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment
losing fake friends

Don’t Be Surprised When People you thought supported you never really did. This type of fake friendship became very clear to me recently. Although I probably secretly already knew deep down, they did not care for me but chose to ignore my gut. Anyway, I think we always know if someone likes us or not. We sense if they are indeed our friends or not. We know based on their actions or inactions. Yes, we know because our gut or intuition warns us.

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Yet, It always surprises me when people are shocked when their betrayer finally shows their true face. Honestly, I am never shocked anymore. When it happens, I go with it. Okay, so I may be caught off guard for a minute, but I was never shocked to find that some of the people I trusted didn’t care for me.

So, what do we do when we feel betrayed? Learn and not blame. Learn from the experience, but do not wallow in self-pity. And for God’s sake, don’t blame yourself for not seeing it sooner. Also, do not ask yourself, “Why?” or “What did you do?” If you did something, yes, apologize, but more likely than not, you did nothing.

Generally, we are raised to give people the “benefit of the doubt,” so when we see signs like them joking about us, making passive-aggressive comments towards us, etc., our gut warns us, but we tend to ignore it. Also, we don’t want to assume bad things about others.

We all do it, so you are with the majority. Second, although you will play your friendship over the years repeatedly in your mind, trying to look for signs you missed, let that play out also. For some reason, we must figure out where we went wrong in judging the fake friend. Finding out that someone you valued never valued you is hard. The sooner you accept that the sooner the healing process can begin. If you are a Believer, turn to scripture and prayer for comfort.

One scripture I found made me feel good to know that God will avenge me as long as I am confident that I have clean hands and heart. That doesn’t mean that I want the person to be held accountable. Not in the least. What I want is for me to move on beyond them as quickly as possible. But if someone goes beyond just hurting your feelings and disparage your name, remember Psalm 101:5-6, “ I will destroy the one who secretly slanders a friend. I will not allow the proud and arrogant to prevail. My eyes are looking at the faithful of the land so that they may live with me; The one who lives a life of integrity will serve me.”

See? You don’t have to do a thing except learn from the experience and not blame yourself. All else God will handle. Keep living, keep loving, and keep an open mind to future friendships. Also, maybe God is clearing the way for new and better friendships.

If Not Now, When?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

So, I missed you last month. But, unfortunately, my life was so busy; I forgot to write. So here I am, ready to engage with you again.


Have you ever heard the phrase, “If not now, when? If not you, who?” I have always liked that saying because it epitomizes how I have lived my life. I have always believed that I could either sit around and blame someone else for my challenges, make excuses for why I could not do something, wait for someone to give me a chance or not give me one, or plot my path.


I was excited and enthusiastic about everything when I began my work career. I remember the first time I interviewed for the management training program with the Army & Air Force Exchange Service. That program offered college graduates an opportunity to join the company at the lowest managerial level and learn to be a manager. I recall the interview in Dallas and visiting the headquarters building. I was so enamored with the various professionals walking around, and back then, people wore suits to work!

if not now, when


Being from a family of churchgoers and not white-collar professionals, I always knew this was the kind of person I wanted to be. So, although I was not a student that anyone took an interest in, except one female basketball coach who also inspired me, I had to learn to believe in myself. I remember just being happy to be there with all the other potential hires. After the interviews, I got on the plane back to Florida, praying that I would be offered a job. Every day, I waited for the mail to see if I would receive a positive response from the company. Finally, one day, it came, and I was so happy to be seen, believed in, and accepted as a person for their program.


Today, some might think that my life’s journey has been easy, and I had only wonderful moments with no challenges at all. Truth be told, I was the first one in my family to attend college and graduate. When I said that to my family members, no one asked, “Why?” they just figured out a way for me to go. Their attitudes were, “Why not her?” and that was my attitude. No one had done it before me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it! So, if not me, who? After I attended and finished college, almost every one of my family members who came up after me attended college also. When I started working a white-collar job, nearly every family member younger than me did so, also. Why? It’s because they saw it to be possible.


Today is a new day. Don’t allow people with bad attitudes and old grudges to keep you from your dreams. Stop listening to the chatter of why you cannot do something. When others begin to project on you their limitations, don’t accept them. When they say that the system isn’t for you, I say, challenge the system, not in a hostile or aggressive way, but in a positive, polished, self-assured manner. Let your attitude be one of the possibilities, not of problems. Tell yourself and others, “If not now, when? If not me, who?” and let them try to convince you otherwise!

How To Think Optimistically

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know where you live, but I live in sunny California. Yet, the last couple of months has been the coldest I have ever experienced during my seven years here. Yes, I know it’s all relative and that the nation has had bad weather. Still, I cannot believe how the weather has behaved this year.

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But now it is Springtime! I am thrilled to welcome spring. I love this time of year. Everything from spring breaks to spring showers excites me. I can already see beautiful yellow flowers in my outdoor flower beds. Seeing the blooms make me happy. But isn’t it interesting how we can let the weather affect moods and attitudes? I know people who feel deep depression when it rains or is gray and cold for too long, and I know those who immediately perk up when the sun is shining.

Regardless of what the weather looks like today or tomorrow, I try very hard to embrace life and live it to the fullest. One thing I know for sure is I get to determine how I will respond to each day. I can enter the day with hope, optimism, and anticipation, or I can enter it with a pessimistic, negative, hopeless attitude, always looking for the worst.

As Believers, I want our default attitude to be optimistic. I am not saying that we will not experience the human emotions of frustration, disappointment, or failure. Still, when we experience these emotions, I hope we recognize them for what they are—temporary, and they won’t always last. I hope you won’t allow negative emotions to get the best of you, and when you experience them, you will quickly recover and get back at it. I hope you will learn to rewire your mind to look for the best, to see the glass half full. Remember that even the most optimistic person can find themselves venturing down the negativity. But there is hope! And as usual, I believe that hope comes from God.

think on these things

The Bible tells us how we can maintain optimistic attitudes and have happy, hopeful, and positive minds, and Philippians 4:8 is our instruction guide. This scripture has always lifted my spirits, and I hope it will do the same for you. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

You see, we do not have to allow our minds to wander aimlessly, accepting anything that comes along. The Bible gives us all we need to help us rewire our thinking; we must recognize “stinking thinking” and decide that nothing or no one will negatively affect your attitude; at least not long-term. The Holy Spirit will help us if we let Him.

What Do We Do?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Every year, we hope the new year will bring something more wonderful than the year before. Some people, like me, make resolutions (I call them goals), while others feel doing so wastes time. Regardless, I am always hopeful about the future and what the new year will bring.

This year has gotten off to a rocky start for some. Although I feel my life is blessed beyond measure, I am devastated as the next person when something tragic happens to friends or family. Well, that is how this year started and continues today. As I write this blog, I cannot help but reflect on the news I received from a close family member of the scary “C” word. But, in the last week, close friends have lost loved ones, and others have experienced hearing the bad news of some kind regarding themselves or someone close to them.

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I recognize that sickness and death are a part of our life cycle. Nevertheless, when people go through these life-changing events, I am reminded of how precious life is and how grateful I am to be given another day. I also think about the pain and heartbreak those closest to the situation are going through. I would like to know what I can do to ease the pain. When they share their devastating news, what do I say? I understand. We don’t if we haven’t experienced it, and even if we have, we don’t understand their particular circumstances. Then, do we say, I will be praying for you? Of course, we will, but more than those praying statements may be needed.

What do we do when we don’t know what to do? I can’t outline a plan for anyone to follow in such situations. I can only share that I stop a prayer. I pray that God will give me the right words or lead me to be quiet and sit in silence, waiting on Him to lead the way. Sometimes the silence is deafening, and we want to fill the space. But we should not rush to fill the silence; we should let the Holy Spirit do His work in that time.

One of the most effective tools in our arsenal in difficult times can be disconnecting from all the voices and plugging into the one voice that is sometimes drowned out in the chaos. The voice we need to hear the most is the voice of God. I am not saying an audible voice, but the feeling in your soul, whispering softly, reminding you that you are not alone. Or through something you read that reminds you of how strong you are even in your most vulnerable state because He is with you. You may feel alone, but you are not alone. You may feel helpless to help someone you love going through something you wish you could change, but you are not weak; you have hope. That hope can be shared through your smile, support, or just sitting and listening to another person.

No matter where we find ourselves today, I know that where we are, we are supposed to be. God will use us during the good times and in the dark times. And that’s it—be, the vessel He uses regardless of what is happening around you.

Reflect Christ…

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

I understand why people write blogs. Sometimes it’s to help others; other times, it’s to share information or gather insights about our own experiences. When I sit down to write, I reflect on what I want to share and on things that I have experienced, good or bad.

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Over the last few years, I have faced my ups and downs. I have had to make some unpleasant decisions that affected other people’s lives, and I have repeatedly confronted my shortcomings. I don’t care how old one is; facing our shortcomings is hard. However, genuinely looking inward makes us so vulnerable. 

I have been in leadership from the very beginning of my work career. After graduating from college, I landed a job in a management training program with the federal government. As a result, I have loads of experience in leadership. Also, leadership is my area of study in both my doctoral programs. As a result, I tend to have very high expectations of people holding leadership roles. My expectations can be exhilarating for some and exhausting for others. Dare I say, demoralizing to others. 

Recently, called into question was my leadership. A person I felt I was holding accountable stated that because I asked him “why” in several instances, I made him feel “unsafe” and “demoralized.” I was baffled! More than that, I felt insulted. I thought about that interchange for days. I even prayed about it. Although I prayed, I could not shake his comments. His comments bothered me. 

I revisited the meeting in my mind and recalled his posture as I sat there and listened to him. In several instances, I felt he was passive-aggressive. I was sure he purposefully used trigger words to disarm me and come in for the kill. As he spoke, all I could think about was how he misrepresented certain situations we had discussed. I felt he was gaslighting me; for days, his words stuck with me as I tried to shake them off. I kept telling myself, Reflect Christ, reflect Christ, but my anxiety and frustration was getting the best of me.

I have always felt that as distance happens between an event and yourself, the less you feel the pain. After several days, I could stop and take a good look at myself. I asked, are you purposefully trying to demoralize anyone? Do you try to intimidate? My answer was an emphatic No. However, I did learn from that situation that I am still growing. I get hurt like anyone else when others misunderstand my words or actions. 

I believe God’s grace bridges our shortcomings. The Word of God says that “His mercies are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness.” At some point, we will all face conflict. We will all be misunderstood. We can sit and stew in misunderstandings or look at them as opportunities for growth. I intend to do the latter. We can also hold a grudge, but as a Follower of Christ, I choose to try to reflect His image everyday.

Be Still & Wait…

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Here we are again. Blessed to see another March, and hopefully, springtime will show up shortly. As I readied myself for my morning run, I checked the temperature outside to find it was supposed to be a pleasant 51 degrees—that’s warm weather when you are a runner! So, instead of putting on layers of long-sleeved shirts, I put on what I thought would be suitable for my run— a tank top, thin cotton shirt, and a little jacket. The minute the garage opened, and I was on the other side, I could feel the chilly air. Boy, I thought it would be warmer, I said to myself. However cold I felt, I refused to go back inside to change and just kept to my scheduled run.

Be still

While my feet hit the pavement, I ran up the hill and immediately noticed the flashing lights. The closer I got, I could see a truck was on top of the median facing me, and a tow truck was on the opposite side, blocking the departing traffic and trying to get adjusted in a position to tow the vehicle. 

As I ran down the hill, away from the vehicles, I tried not to look but found myself locking eyes with the distressed vehicle driver and the tow truck driver. I looked away and kept running, yet I noticed only one or two cars waiting for the tow truck to clear the path. When I got down the hill and began my trek back up, as I approached the spot of the truck and tow truck, I noticed that many backed-up cars were waiting and probably trying to get to work.

I wonder what happened? Several times I have seen folks lose control and crash in that median. I have seen people speed on that hill as if they were on a motor speedway. I wonder what was so urgent this particular morning for this man. I would not be honest if I said that I hadn’t done my share of speeding up and down that mountain. But when I see the flashing slow-down sign, I am jolted into realizing just how fast I am going, and I slow down to the posted 45 miles per hour sign.

To see this guy made me think about me and others who are so fast to get where we are going. Today’s society, especially in the western world, is all about getting it done and not wasting time. We say, “Time is money,” or “Don’t waste my time,” or “Lead, follow, or get out of the way!”  We have no time for those who waste it. And yet I think we are correct when we rush to get something done when maybe that’s the opposite of what God wants from us.

Suppose God wants us to stop, listen, and then move once we are sure that what we are rushing to accomplish is aligned with His will for our lives? Just what if we are running in a direction that is opposite from where He wants us to be?

Perhaps, the answer lies in Philippians 4:6-7, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Reflect Lately?

~ authorlasharnda ~ 1 Comment

I was out running one morning recently, and as my feet pounded the pavement in the early morningsunset hours, I noticed the sky was a beautiful red and blue color. I didn’t stop; I kept running, trying to get my workout done. However, I felt as though the red was getting redder and the blues bluer as I ran. I still would not stop (I needed to get done). At some point, though, I felt God had been trying to get my attention gently, but because I didn’t listen, it felt as though He yelled, “Stop and look!” So, I did. I stopped and looked at the sky with amazement. I then took out my iPhone and began taking pictures. I posted those pictures to social media, and apparently, more than 100 people felt the same about how beautiful they were. As I viewed those pictures, I was able to reflect on God’s goodness. What a wonderful life I have lived. I thank God every day for blessing my life as He has done, and I want to be and do all that God has called me to be and do.

Like many of you, the last year has caused me to reflect a lot. Not just because of the pandemic, but as you grow older, I think one tends to look at life and wonder if you left the earth today, would you have made a difference. I am not saying that we must make some vast world-changing impact, but I wonder who will miss me when I am not here anymore. I realize initially, people are sad that we are no longer around, but after a while, even they settle into their own lives, and those they have lost may slowly fade into the background. Anyway, as I reflect on my life, I quickly recognize that I have more years behind me than in front.

What about you? Have you reflected lately? Have you thought about how each day you make a ripple effect into the lives of others? I have. Recently a person told me that I made a significant difference in her life years ago. She said that although college was accessible to her, it was just not something she had thought of pursuing until she met me. Today, she holds advanced degrees. As such, I began to think about several people I had encouraged to go to school so that they would have opportunities that may have evaded them otherwise. They did, and those doors opened. They don’t have to give me any credit; that’s not what I am looking for at all. But I will say it makes me feel good that this one person didn’t wait until it was time for my eulogy to let me see that I made a difference.

Person sitting quietly on the edge of a dock watching the sunset

Today, think about how you can impact others in significant ways. As much as people can frustrate, disappoint, and anger us, God calls us to think of others. I know it is hard, but God will make sure to reward you for your acts of selflessness. Remember, we don’t need recognition here on earth; although it is nice, we need to do what God has called us to do and let Him handle the rest. I am confident in saying that I guarantee He will.