Don’t Be Surprised When People you thought supported you never really did. This type of fake friendship became very clear to me recently. Although I probably secretly already knew deep down, they did not care for me but chose to ignore my gut. Anyway, I think we always know if someone likes us or not. We sense if they are indeed our friends or not. We know based on their actions or inactions. Yes, we know because our gut or intuition warns us.

Yet, It always surprises me when people are shocked when their betrayer finally shows their true face. Honestly, I am never shocked anymore. When it happens, I go with it. Okay, so I may be caught off guard for a minute, but I was never shocked to find that some of the people I trusted didn’t care for me.

So, what do we do when we feel betrayed? Learn and not blame. Learn from the experience, but do not wallow in self-pity. And for God’s sake, don’t blame yourself for not seeing it sooner. Also, do not ask yourself, “Why?” or “What did you do?” If you did something, yes, apologize, but more likely than not, you did nothing.

Generally, we are raised to give people the “benefit of the doubt,” so when we see signs like them joking about us, making passive-aggressive comments towards us, etc., our gut warns us, but we tend to ignore it. Also, we don’t want to assume bad things about others.

We all do it, so you are with the majority. Second, although you will play your friendship over the years repeatedly in your mind, trying to look for signs you missed, let that play out also. For some reason, we must figure out where we went wrong in judging the fake friend. Finding out that someone you valued never valued you is hard. The sooner you accept that the sooner the healing process can begin. If you are a Believer, turn to scripture and prayer for comfort.

One scripture I found made me feel good to know that God will avenge me as long as I am confident that I have clean hands and heart. That doesn’t mean that I want the person to be held accountable. Not in the least. What I want is for me to move on beyond them as quickly as possible. But if someone goes beyond just hurting your feelings and disparage your name, remember Psalm 101:5-6, “ I will destroy the one who secretly slanders a friend. I will not allow the proud and arrogant to prevail. My eyes are looking at the faithful of the land so that they may live with me; The one who lives a life of integrity will serve me.”

See? You don’t have to do a thing except learn from the experience and not blame yourself. All else God will handle. Keep living, keep loving, and keep an open mind to future friendships. Also, maybe God is clearing the way for new and better friendships.