Stop Second -Guessing Yourself

December 27, 2015December 28, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever made a decision only to go back to it over and over again wondering whether you made the right one or not? I have.

Like you, I have made so many life decisions. Especially when it comes to my professional life. I have always been driven to succeed. To me, I take a no hole bars approach to my life. I take an attitude of “the sky is the limit” approach.

Earlier in life, I would just make a decision without thinking of the consequences and go for it; many times it worked out. I think God knew I was young and silly, so He sent angels to watch out for me (at least that’s what I have told myself throughout the years). Later in life I learned the importance of praying before I made a decision. I had heard others say that people do things and pray about it afterwards, asking God to bless it, when they should have prayed about it ahead of time to see if it was God’s will. That made sense to me so that has been my practice ever since hearing it. On the big important things, it was especially critical for me to stop and pray first before moving forward.

Once I have prayed about it and waited to hear from God, I feel good about moving forward. Here’s the problem though. Suppose you prayed and felt that you heard from God, so you moved forward believing it was Him only to find yourself going back and forth re-thinking or even regretting your decision? What if you made the wrong decision? What if you didn’t hear from God as you thought you did? What if?

Let me help you with this issue. I went through this just recently. I made a life-changing decision that would affect not only me, but my family. I prayed and prayed and made my decision only to question whether I had made the right one. Early one morning during prayer as I talked to God about my insecurities, what came to me was this: “Stop second-guessing yourself.”

Hmmm. It think it came to me from the Holy Spirit because I was saying to God that I had prayed and prayed and felt I had His answer and now I don’t know. When I looked at other elements of my decision, I thought to myself well this change puts a dent in my 5 year plan, yet, I wanted to go with the decision I had made. I needed to make sure God had blessed it. As I sat in my “prayer chair” again, the words resonated in my mind, “stop second-guessing yourself.” I smiled because I accepted what I was hearing.

The word TRUST carved into a stone wall. 3D render with HDRI lighting and raytraced textures.

Many times you will make the best possible decisions you can with the information you have. You do your best to do what’s right. What happens is people who don’t want you to do something or maybe they want you to themselves, will speak things into your life that make you second-guess yourself. On the other hand, your mind will play tricks on you and have you question your decision and if you are not careful, fear will consume you. When that happens, tell yourself what is written in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self-discipline.” If you have to say it over and over again, do that.

Anxiety is natural when you are making major life-changing decisions. The question becomes, do you want to live a life that is full and purposeful or will you allow fear to stop you from fulfilling your destiny? When you make decisions, always pray about them first, wait to hear from God and when you believe you have and He says it’s okay, then move. If he says no, then stay. If He says okay and you are fearful to move, ask yourself, “Am I telling God that you don’t trust Him?” I am sure you don’t want to say that, but your actions are.

Stop second-guessing yourself. Trust God and trust yourself.

An Issue of The Heart

December 20, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

I ordered these killer boots from Amazon that were to be delivered on Saturday. Doorbell rang, my husband goes to the door. UPS had delivered an order. My husband brings the box inside and hands it to me because it had my name on it.

I tell him thank you and when I opened the box, I found a pair of young girl size 6 Nike shoes from Zappos. UPS mis-delivered so I pick up my phone and call Zappos to tell them that someone will be looking for these shoes. I asked them how I could get the shoes back to Zappos or the intended customer. The lady on the line says, “Oh thank you so much for being honest” (I hate it when people say that to me) and then she told me what to do next. Easy right? It was. However, during the course of our conversation she said, “you probably want to check to see if something was supposed to be delivered to you today from Amazon because we share truck space with them!” Oh no, I thought and then I went into panic mode. I was expecting these “Killer Boots” today!

I logged onto the Amazon site and looked at all my orders, you guessed it, my boots were marked “delivered today” so I frantically began writing to Amazon about the mix-up. Eventually I spoke to a young woman over the phone. She was really nice, I can’t say that I was pleasant to deal with. I was only focused on my boots. Where were my boots is all that was turning in my head. She continued in a pleasant manner and readily gave me a refund, but I still wasn’t happy. I didn’t want my money back, I wanted MY boots! I was frustrated and unhappy. My husband tried to ask me questions and I was snippy. My son was instant messaging me and I was telling him what had happened, which got me even more frustrated the more I typed. I think he sensed my attitude and stopped. I could feel my blood pressure rising. My grandson sat quietly on the couch playing on his IPAD but watching this scenario play out. Occasionally he would look at me and say, “Grandma, you ok?” I explained to him my side and he listened sweetly but I am sure he didn’t understand why I was letting this situation get to me.

During the course of all of this, I looked to see if I could simply re-order the boots. No, because the boots were no longer available in my color on Amazon at all. I looked out on Google to see what stores carried it. I went to the Nordstrom site, Macys, Dillards, and everywhere I looked for that boot it had sold out! Not one single site had that boot; not one! I was becoming consumed with a boot.
I finally felt the nudge from the Holy Spirit say to me, “Stop. If these boots are for you, you will get them, but maybe they are not for you.” I looked around at my husband and grandson sitting quietly and calmly and thought to myself, what’s wrong with you? You are acting like a spoiled brat. Those boots don’t matter; they do.

I turned off my computer and got up and went to a quiet place to calm my spirit and pray. I went to a place that I would be able to relax and reflect. I went to my room. I could hear the dialogue going on in my mind. It went like this. Don’t you dare allow “boots” to get to you. Look around. Look at what you have; you have so much to be thankful for; don’t you dare let boots create an attitude that will affect the mood of this house.

That was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. That’s why I say that we can choose. We can choose how we respond to negative and frustrating situations or how we respond to frustrating people. I know the Holy Spirit will do His job, our job is not only to listen, but to obey. In the big scheme of things, do material things matter? The answer is no. It’s that simple. A relationship with God and others is what matters most.

Happy Attitudes = Happy Lives

September 26, 2015September 26, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Ecclesiastes 3:12 reads “I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.” See, there it is!

One writer stated “The goal of every Christian should not be happiness because the Bible never promises happiness to the believer but joy, that is a totally different story. While happiness is temporary and is based upon happenings, joy is from the Lord and you can still experience joy during trials, suffering, and testing. Joy is permanent but happiness is fleeting.”

I understand what this writer is saying, but isn’t this just semantics? I don’t disagree, but I don’t think we have to get hung up on this either. In fact, I feel if we are going to disagree on something, it should not be on whether or not God wants us to live a life of happiness?

11690912-attitude-is-everything-text-written-with-chalk-on-a-blackboard We should not be fighting over this. So why do we? Is it just easier to sit and fight and to be negative?

Do you think that God designed us to with the attitude of negativity? No, He did not. In fact, the Bible tells us in Philippians to think on things that are good, pure, honest, all of these are positive thoughts. I know that it takes intentional effort to be positive, that’s why Romans 12:2 tells us that it is important to transform our minds and that’s what the Holy Spirit does for us. He helps us to draw from His strength when we would automatically default to the negatives in this world. When our minds are transformed and when we focus on what we are thinking about, I think we will work hard to stop random negative thoughts from becoming permanent negative thoughts that become our daily lives.

The Bible tells us “there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good.” I bet the happiness that is talked about here is not seeking to live our lives out of selfish gain, nor out of stepping on others to get to the top, nor is it in fame and popularity; neither is it just an emotional state that one feels just because something good happened. I think the end of the scripture really tells us how we will live a life that is happy and positive; a life that rejects negativity. We do it in being productive and not idle. We live happy by working and seeing the works of our hands, whether it is something tangible or intangible we produce.

When we reach out and touch the lives of others and when we add to the lives of others, those kinds of acts bring about joy and joy produces happiness in our lives. Happy attitudes result in happy lives. So, can we actually accomplish what is stated in Ecclesiastes 3? I think so. That, too, begins with our attitudes towards work and life

Luck or Faith?

July 17, 2015July 23, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

I hear people say, “It was just my luck” or they say “I was lucky” and I don’t say anything, but I do wonder. I wonder if they hear what they are saying. I have said before that if we would take time and consider what we say, we probably would rethink our comments. I have also said many times before that we have to be careful about what goes into our minds, because eventually it comes out of our mouths. It’s really important to consider the impact of what is taken into our thoughts because they will end up as actions.

But going back to my original thought about luck. Luck means that success or failure is brought on by chance rather than through one’s own actions. To be clear, you think whatever happens is just a chance thing. That’s fascinating to me.

What’s fascinating is that it is easier for a person to say that they have, or had, luck on their side rather than to say that God blessed them.

It seems to be a trend that it is hip or cool to say one does not believe in God.

Now listen, I don’t care to get into anyone’s business; if you don’t believe, you don’t believe, end of story. However, I just don’t get how it is easier say that one believes in luck rather than in God. I do believe that it is every Believers responsibility to tell others about Jesus, so I am not saying that I don’t care about that, I just don’t believe that I have to be bothersome, judgmental or pushy in doing so.

Believing in luck is as ridiculous to me as me believing in God may be to another. I know that some will argue that God is not real and that He is just something or someone I have made up to believe in because I and other Believers have to be dependent on something other than ourselves. Well, I don’t have to convince anyone that I am pretty independent but I am also totally dependent on Christ. I have no room for luck. I believe everything happens for a reason and ultimately what happens to us ties back to God’s grand plan for each of our lives. I believe that being on this earth has absolutely nothing to do with luck and everything to do with God’s purpose for my life. Guess what? According to Jeremiah 29:11, He has a plan and purpose for your life too. Argue if you will, but too many things have happened in my life that convinces me that a divine hand is in it all.

As much as I believe in a divine God, I also know that I have free will. I can choose to do whatever I want. When I do that, things happen that have nothing to do with luck either, it has to do with a decision I made. Sometimes it works out and sometimes not. I am thankful that I have never doubted that God exists and controls all things. As the scripture says, “All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord.” (Romans 8:28). Hey, I love Him!

So, when you say, “It was luck” or “I was lucky”, no problem, that’s your right and your choice, but please show me the same grace, respect and patience when I don’t believe that and when I say how much I believe in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Accept me for my beliefs. One of which is I was placed on this earth with a purpose in mind and trust me, I am going to live it happy and out loud. My life on this earth is not by chance, by luck or coincidence, it was because the God of the universe decided on me before I was born (Jeremiah 1:5). It’s because I know what the scriptures say about all of us, I have confidence in me.

Luck or Faith? You decide. I have…

Let “Status Quo” Be Uncomfortable

June 10, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Are you afraid to be uncomfortable? Good. I find that when I am uncomfortable living a regular, everyday life, I do something about it. I can’t sit still. I become restless and I have to do something. Anything! How about you?

There is a negative connotation associated with being restless. I don’t see it as negative. In fact, I think restlessness can be a good thing. For some, it is negative but for others, restlessness pushes us to action. I say, restlessness can be stressful, but it can also be liberating.

In my book, It’s Your Life; Own It. No blame, No Excuses, one of the things I talk about is the importance of going after the life you really want. I talk about how important it is to decide on what it is you want and then to plot a course to achieving that goal. I talk about how some people will talk, talk and talk about what they want and they never do anything about getting what they want. They make excuse after excuse about why it is that they can’t do something. The make every excuse as to why something can’t be done and they blame everything that they can think of as the reasons why that don’t move towards the goal. When the real reasons may be as simple as being uncomfortable; taking a risk; doing something; anything.

Don’t you know of people who set goals and never achieve them? Me too. I have heard people say that they wanted to write a book or that they wanted to start a non-profit or that they wanted to start their own business, yet year after year, you see them and they are still saying the same things they said 3 years prior. You ask them what have they done to get closer to that goal and the answer is “nothing really.” Have you helped someone lay out a plan to do something only to see them months, sometimes years later, and they have not done a thing? Of course you have. I certainty have. Listen, they are happy being comfortable with the status quo; it’s that simple.

Are You A Goal-Setter or Goal-Achiever?

There is a big difference between a person who is a goal-setter and one who is a goal-achiever. There is a big difference between dreamers and achievers and there is a real big difference between those who always talk about what they want to accomplish and those who get out there and actually accomplish the thing they want. Do you know what the difference is? Comfort and Discomfort.

Many are comfortable living just as they are day after day. They claim that they want to do more and to achieve a stated goal, but it’s just talk. Then there are those who embrace discomfort; they are the risk-takers. They can’t imagine living day after day just dreaming their lives away. They would rather take a chance; they understand that failure can happen, but that does not scare them. God bless those who are happy with comfort. It’s okay if that’s what they want to do; if that’s how they choose to live. I just would prefer that they would recognize what they are doing and that they would stop talking about achieving a thing that they never intend to achieve. I wish they would recognize that they are living a fantasy and that’s okay too because it is their lives. I just don’t want them acting like the victim. It’s okay but it’s not what I want for my life and that’s okay too. I prefer to embrace being uncomfortable. I prefer taking risks. Because by doing so, I have stretched beyond my wildest dreams. I have accomplished things I never thought possible.

The challenge here is to decide what you want out of life. Recognize that most who are successful, take risks. They have learned to embrace the unknown and the uncomfortable. Remember, we all like the familiar; we all want to live in comfort, but what’s frightening about that is that I will end up living a status quo life. I am terrified that each day will become mundane and that I will wake up one day and would have not experienced so much that God placed inside of me. I would encourage you to think about what’s holding you back. Is it that you are happy nursing what you are comfortable with or are you willing to take a risk and do something that you have always wanted to do? Guess what? It’s up to you.

It’s Your Life; Own It…

Do You! Maybe the World Would be a Better Place…

May 4, 2015May 5, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

I am always put off when I see or hear of others trying to dictate how another person should live. You know what I mean, don’t you? They want to dictate how the other person should write, talk, and behave. I have always wondered what’s the deal with those people who think that they have been put on this earth to tell everyone what they should do. I am also baffled by those who constantly critique others as if they were given the keys to heaven alone and no one else has been nor will they ever reach their level of superiority.

Don’t you want to tell them to bug off? To mind their own business? You know, if we could find the strength to tell them to mind their own business, as we mind our own, maybe we can get a lot more done than we expect. Maybe, just maybe, the world would be a better place. If we would stop interfering with other’s lives and let them be who they are, maybe the world would be a better place. If we would just encourage others and not tear them down. If we would push them to write that book they dream of writing without requiring them to have the same publisher we have or the same style of writing or the same well known friends or publicists or whatever it is that we require of them before they can be good enough, maybe, just maybe, the world would be a better place. If a person wants to sing, dance, start a company, invest in a relationship or do anything that they dream of doing, and we not judge, but simply support them, maybe the world would be a better place.

If we would just let people be who they are; let them live out their dreams with our encouragement; if we would just shut up and keep our negatives opinions to ourselves, do you think that maybe the world would be a better place?

The fact is, there really isn’t any real formula for success. Some may achieve success following a formula and others have stepped out of the box and accomplished great things not following any formula at all. Your way of doing something may be great, but there are other ways. Each of us may do things differently than another, but that’s okay.

Why not allow others to live their lives? Let them “do them” and you “do you”. If we would do that, maybe the world would be a better place. Seriously….

We Were Not Designed to be Perfect

April 15, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Do you think that perfection is honorable? It isn’t. Perfection is a dream that no one can attain. Even the most respected people must deal with the idea of not being perfect simply because others think of them as being that way. If you have a problem with always seeking perfection and never attaining it, you might want to remember that we weren’t designed to be perfect. There was only one human that was perfect and, of course, that was Jesus.

I have heard people talk about being perfectionists and at times, they berate themselves because they aren’t. They feel that nothing that they do is ever good enough. They can’t move on with a simple project because it has to be perfect. They can’t write a paper or paint a wall or coordinate a table setting because every little detail must be perfect. I understand what they mean, but I also understand that if I live life that way, I probably won’t get a lot of things done. If I were to wait for whatever I am trying to do to be perfect, I would be frustrated and deflated!

In fact perfection can be hard on a person. It is debilitating! It is stifling! and it can be harmful to one’s self esteem. Talk about a sure way to hurt your self-confidence. You don’t have to because you can choose not to be a perfectionist. You know, sometimes those things that hang us up are our own self-imposed pressures.

Listen, if you want to be successful, learn to accept that doing your best is good enough. Just make sure it is your best. When you have prepared yourself, worked hard and done all that you can to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve, let the chips fall where they may. Stop worrying, stop stressing, stop second-guessing. Look yourself in the mirror and say, my best was all I had and I gave all of me. Then walk away confident that if it doesn’t work out, it will be okay because you will be right back trying again tomorrow.

No you don’t have to seek perfection, you just need to be persistent.

Jesus Christ was the only perfect person.

What Do You Say To Yourself?

April 1, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

I have always listened carefully when others speak. I don’t just listen when they speak to me, I listen to all sorts of conversations that go on around me too.

I learned a long time ago why many people do not live well. I understand why they have problems at work and in relationships; they just don’t hear how they speak to themselves.

Have you ever asked anyone what they wanted out of life? Have you asked them about their goals and the things that they wanted to accomplish? Of course you have. Now, how many of those that you have had this conversation with have automatically said to you, here are my life’s goals and then watch them lay them out systematically? How many? I bet one or maybe two. I can almost guarantee that you had more people say that they did not really know what they wanted out of life. Or maybe those who knew what they wanted, but wasn’t doing anything to accomplish them.When you asked them why weren’t they pursuing their goals, they gave you a million excuses why not. Excuse ranged from “I am waiting for my children to grow up and get out of the house” or “I just have too much going on right now”

Well, we tell ourselves many things, don’t we? Evaluate what you tell yourself about you. Look deeper at your excuses. Is it that you are waiting for your children to grow up and get out of the house? Really? Is it that you just have too much going on right now? Seriously? Or could it be that you have just talked yourself out of believing that you can? Do you tear yourself down? Do you tell yourself constantly how stupid you are? How dumb you are? How unintelligent? Maybe that’s the real problem. Maybe you have talked yourself out of pursuing your goals because you just don’t think better of yourself.

I want to challenge you to think about what you say to yourself about yourself. If you tell yourself that you are beautiful, smart, “all that” you will probably feel that way, even when you don’ feel that way. However, if you are constantly reminding yourself of all of your faults, your shortcomings and your areas that are weak, you can bet when you are having a tough time, these will become more pronounced.

Love yourself. There is only one of you and you are uniquely wonderful.

I’m Trying to be the Best Me…

March 24, 2015 ~ authorlasharnda ~ 2 Comments

It is so easy to get caught up in trying to be someone else. There isn’t anything wrong with looking up to someone you admire. Nor is it wrong to look at the successes of others so that you can learn from what they have done; maybe you can do better. In addition, there isn’t anything wrong with changing how you look because you saw a particular look on someone else that you really like. There is nothing wrong with any of these.

Here’s the problem. When you become so obsessed with another person so much that you cannot appreciate who you are is not healthy. It’s a problem if you look at someone else and see inferiority rather than equality or if you see the other person as being superior to you and you lose sight of your own worth. These are problems.

The best that you can do for yourself and that you can give to the world comes with you working to be the best “You” that you can be. It is not you, trying to be the best “someone else you want to be.”

How do you become the best you? Stop focusing too much on what someone else is doing. When you find yourself constantly focusing on another’s successes, when you find yourself secretly resentful and even upset when another person is winning; when you can’t execute your own plan because you are too busy watching what someone else is doing, you are obsessing.

Your best self is your true self. Enhancing oneself is okay, losing your own identity is quite another story. Who you are is just as valuable as the person you are watching. You are no more and certainly no less than anyone else.

Trust me, someone wants to be like you, so be your best self. always Somebody’s watching.

Dr. LaSharnda Beckwith

It's Your Life; Own It. No Blame, No Excuses

#best you