#unique

It’s Your Calling. Embrace It!

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

For many years, I have talked repeatedly and positively about how each of us is uniquely called by God. I have preached that everyone should recognize that and never let anyone take that away. I have even cautioned others not to allow the enemy to convince you that you are less valuable.  

God made you unique

After all the years of saying that to others and myself, I sometimes question my calling. Why is that? Why do the most confident people ask if they have unique talents? I’ll tell you why. It’s because when we do not use it or feel that we fail at whatever we initially thought was that gift, our humanness causes us to question. When we know we heard from God to take a job, to move to another city and start a ministry, to step out and sing, or the thousands of other things I know He has given people, we doubt. Initially, the excitement sets in, and we are rearing to go. However, after the initial exhilaration, we begin to question. That questioning of oneself turns into talking ourselves out of what we know to be true. We talk ourselves out of what we heard. That’s the doubt, which is the enemy’s potent weapon. But remember, when God calls us, He will equip us!

In times past, I have said that each calling looks different. The unique gifts God has given you are for you, and the ones He has given me are for me. Maybe you don’t feel there is anything special about you. You may think God blessed others with unique talents, but not you. I want to gently remind you of the scripture in Romans 11:29, “For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable (for He does not withdraw what He has given, nor does He change His mind about those to whom He gives His call”). 

romans 11-29

The next time you feel down or allow someone to put limitations on you, repeat that scripture to yourself. Also, remember Eleanor Roosevelt’s words, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So please don’t give it to them.

Keep It To Yourself….

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

keep it to yourself.2Like others, I am bothered whenI hear things like “that person doesn’t like you” or “she has a problem with you.” Look, Whatever!  Yes, I will admit it, it bothers me. I have learned to push back when someone tells me that someone feel that way about me. I push back when I have felt the animosity from a person first hand also.

You see we all have someone who do not like us. Wow, you thought everyone you met like you? Well, they don’t. What a revelation, but it is true.  The most popular people have folks that find something wrong with them. The most unpopular do too.  What makes the world go round is to recognize early if you can that we are all different and we may not like the same things nor can stomach some of the people we have to interact with.  That’s just reality and it’s okay.  My problem is with my friends and pseudo-friends.  I love you but….let me tell you a couple of things. You probably think you are doing me a favor by making sure I know that someone does not like me.  I get it.  However, please do me a favor.  Keep it to yourself.

That’s right, keep it to yourself. You are not helping the situation at all and if it bothers me to hear, I can imagine how it might destroy someone who is not as confident as I am.

You may think that you are just saying something either to help me (or to be mean to me pretending to help) but don’t. My life is full, filled with happiness and joy and on a positive trajectory. I am winning.  I don’t want to be brought into a negative space.  Honestly, I don’t believe that is your intention at all; at least I hope not. But that’s what happens when hurtful words are used even when those words are no intended to be used as such.

keep it to yourselfLook, even the best people who are positive and optimistic can be brought down, albeit for a little while, with those comments or opinions you are passing on.  Now let me ask you something. Do you feel good about yourself when you pass on that “stuff?” I bet not.

Okay, so maybe you didn’t know this. Soooooo now you know. Also know this, “Haters gonna hate.” That’s just a fact of life. I have always believed and stated when a person is focused on me, they probably want to be just like me. Of course the hater will say that’s not true. But to all my haters, yes it is.  I can’t say that I blame you though.  If I were you, I would want to be just like me too!

Value or Disrespect

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

 

sassysayings56I don’t mind giving advice, but one area that I hate to give advice is in the area of dealing with abusive people, especially mentally abusive bosses. Some of the stories I hear infuriate me and the boss can be so terrible that I find myself wanting to punch them! But I would never do that and that would not be my advice to you either.

I don’t want to ever advise anyone to give up on anything, yet, I struggle telling anyone to stay with anyone who treats them like crap.  I want to fight for what is right and I like working hard for what I get. I get a kick out of the struggle. In fact I have a saying that reads “If it were easy, everyone would be doing it”.  I believe in tenacity, diligence, dedication and hard work. If you want something out of life, you got to do your part. One of my mottos could be that  diligence pays off. Yet, I want to tell the person who feels inadequate because of the actions of another person to leave.

It is easy to sit in a chair and write pretty advice.  It is easy to say what you should do once I have crossed over my own challenge of having to deal with a nasty boss.  So I won’t write the pretty advice but I will be straight up with you.  If you have a boss who is mentally abusive, who depresses you, dishonors you, disrespect you and you don’t think that person will ever change, leave.

That’s my advice. Leave.  Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”, and I agree with her. That lady was one wise woman.

You see I have had wonderful bosses who were positive, supportive and saw to it that I was developed and given opportunities. I have also experienced cunning and unethical bosses too. I have never, ever had a boss yell at me, cuss at me, talk to me as if I were stupid or talk down to me. I think God made sure that I didn’t because I don’t know how I would have handled them in my early years.

I have told you on many occasions how destructive words can be.  When you stay with a person, whether that person is a spouse, friend or boss, who has little interest in uplifting you or in making your life better, why are you staying with them? You don’t rely on others to make you happy; that’s not what I am saying, that’s your responsibility.  What I am saying is that disinterest or detachment from you is one thing, but disrespect is quite another.

We stay with spouses and friends longer in bad relationships, because we have vested relationships with them. We do not have that same investment with an abusive boss. I get that it is hard to walk away from a job when you need the money, but it is even harder to walk away from a marriage when one depends on the support of a spouse, but people do it everyday and find support.

I am not saying to just quit your job when you have an abusive or narcissistic boss. That’s a decision that only you can make. I just want to remind you that you are valuable and you are important. It doesn’t matter if you are the janitor or the CEO. And just so you know, even if you are dependent on a person for a job, that does not give them the right to disrespect you.

I can’t tell you what is enough, I can only tell you that you are enough. “For we (you) are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that (you) we would walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10.

 

What Will You Do When Opportunities Knock?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

opptyknockingI am not a comedienne at all, but sometimes I get one in there when I said “when opportunities knock, don’t send them to your neighbor.”

Recently a person I know had a great opportunity to show their skill and expertise but was too shy to do so.  Their boss automatically thought the person could take care of a major job without questioning at all if the person had the skill.  When the boss said to the person to take of it, they replied “Well, I will try; I don’t know if I can handle it.” Yikes! I asked them if they could handle the problem and the person said, “I think so.” Knowing full well that they could, as well as knowing that they had probably royally messed up a chance to show their skill, they called me after the fact and told me the story. then asked me “what do.you think I should do?”

What do you think, I said? “Hang up and go and take care of it! Don’t let them go outside the company and pay for another “expert” to come in and fix it when you can do it yourself.” It didn’t take much convincing. For them to pick up the phone and call me already said something about them knowing that they had made a mistake. The good news is that they recognized it and did something about it.

Once the situation was taken care and the person had successfully handled the problem, they sent me a message telling me that they had handled it. I congratulated them and went on my way.

Later, I was thinking of that particular situation and wondered many times the exact same situation had happened to others but they did not rush to self-correcwalkingthroughdoorofopptyt. How many times do you allow others to seek out someone else to do a job that you could do? The question that follows is, why?

Is it because you don’t want the responsibility? It is because you have self-doubt? Or is it because of laziness? I would like to think that the latter isn’t the case the majority of the time. I would like to believe it is because you are shy or fearful of failure.
I can just hear the wheels turning and the doubts beginning to pop up as you consider if you would have jumped in and volunteered your expertise. Many of us would say that we would, but trust me, others would not and it’s because of a lack of confidence or maybe the fear of being embarrassed or criticized if what they tried did not work.

May I suggest that you won’t know if you don’t try? May I also suggest that one thing that you will find out, if nothing else, is when you try,you show not only others, but you show yourself, that you are willing to take a risk. You demonstrate your willingness to help which shows that you care.  It shows that you have initiative, at a time in history, when it seems to be lacking.

You might not always get it right, but you will gain experience and, hopefully, good exposure.  You will increase your confidence, your boldness will develop and you will own your own decisions and contributions. This may seem difficult to digest, but once you step out and try, I don’t think you will ever look at problems the same again. You will grow.

Remember, when opportunities knock, open the door and invite them in. Don’t send them to your neighbors…

Being Different Is Good..

~ authorlasharnda ~ 3 Comments

differentI think we forget that we are all different people.  Oh sure, we say we know that we are different and we come to table with different perspectives, but for some reason, at the end of the day, we still expect the people we encounter to make the exact same decisions that we would make if faced with the same situations.

The fact is, until we truly embrace the notion that we come to the table with different life experiences that filter how we see the world, we will never accept others for who they are.  You may say, that’s not important, but it is. Don’t you want others to, if not value your opinion, respect that you have a right to your own opinion?  I do.

I have been on social media sites and watched television or listened to radio, and I am always frustrated and disgusted when people are so closed-minded that there is no room for anyone else to have a point of view.

I watched a lady get attacked recently because she posted to social media that she had decided to delay having another baby in order to purchase her dream home. What happened next was just down right crazy!  Others attacked her for making that decision.  On the morning news, the media reported the story and even stated that she indeed had the right to decide, but the reason she was attacked so viciously was because people on social media thought that she was out of touch with “everyday” people.  That there were too many other things going on in the world to worry about, rather than her writing that from her pristine life and protected life.  I don’t know her at all, but what I feel is that she did nothing wrong. That’s her life. For some of us, the issue would not be  sitting and trying to decide between having another baby or buying our dream home, my issue could be deciding between continuing working on a business that may not be producing what I want and spending thousands of dollars on holiday with family. I wonder if I chose to continue to put money into a failing business rather than speeding it on my family, if I, too, would be violently attacked. The point is, as humans, each of us have the right to make our own decisions based on what we feel is right for us and guess what? Maybe yours will be different than mine and vice versa.

Hey, chill.  The world would really be a better place if respect replaced exerting our own will. We will do so much better in love and in life, if we can learn to respect each other. Whether you believe the world was created or that it simply happened, that’s totally your own business and your opinion does not affect mine, nor does my beliefs diminish yours. I believe in God, you don’t and that’s okay. You not believing doesn’t affect what I believe at all. Right?

Having different opinions will be influenced by many things that have happened in each of our lives. Having different ideas about life is really more than okay.  It is wonderful because if we were all the same, the world would truly be a boring place. God loves diversity and that’s more than skin color.

Your Dreams are Important…

~ authorlasharnda ~ 2 Comments

you-are-gifted-encouragement-and-inspiration-at-www-abettermedaybyday-comHave you ever seriously considered the gifts that God has given you? Have you ever just sat quietly and contemplated what you have and why you have a particular gift?  Do you honor God by doing something with what He has given you or do you find yourself sitting, looking or comparing yourself with those around you?  Do you look at your friends and secretly resent that they seem to be achieving every single goal that they set?  Do you feel a little jealous when a co-worker seems to be able to accomplish one thing after the other? Do you look at yourself and feel inadequate?  Well, stop! You are gifted too. You have your own road to travel to get to where you want to be just like the person you are comparing yourself  to.

When they achieve their dreams the process isn’t any easier or harder for them as it is for you. The difference is they are focused on achieving their dreams and using their gifts. Are you? Or are you sitting on the sidelines watching them?

I always say that one of the many reasons why dreams aren’t met and success isn’t accomplished, is a real simple one; we are too focused on watching what someone else is doing,  comparing ourselves to them and then worrying about what they have accomplished compared to what we have accomplished.

Hey, God gave you your own dreams. If He hasn’t given you the talents to accomplish them yet, you can bet that He will; He’s probably preparing you right now. In fact, Hebrews 13:21 tells us that He has given us gifts that are special. Did you know that? I believe the Bible!

I also believe that just as we have spiritual gifts, God has put dreams in our hearts that are just for us.  When we pursue those dreams, I think we are pursuing a destiny designed in God’s  grand plan.

Here is some news for you; you can choose to pursue those dreams and do so with an attitude that what God has begun in you, He will complete it or you can watch others pursuing theirs and comparing what they are doing versus what you are doing and just stay stuck where you are. I don’t think that pleases God though and watching others certainly does not do anything to keep you on a forward movement path.

My Journey is mineIf you aren’t careful, you will become consumed with what others are doing. How does that fulfill your own purpose?  It doesn’t.  Watching others and comparing yourself to what they have accomplished and what you haven’t, only causes you to question your abilities.  It stresses you out. You can become obsessed with their achievements and begin to doubt if you are even capable of achievement. Yet, we can agree based on scripture, that God has given you the ability to do just that; achieve His divine purpose for your life.

Look, your dreams were given to you for you only.  My dreams were given to me for me only. You can decide that you will pursue yours and I can decide that I will or will not pursue mine. The point is simple, your journey is yours to travel just as mine is mine to travel. We can trust God to give us the strength, talents, gifts and abilities to achieve our dreams and goals and to finish the race or we can sit back and be distracted by all sorts of things that won’t help us finish our race at all.

One thing that is sure, true and constant and that is, God is God. Whatever gifts He has given is ultimately for His glory. Choose if you intend to honor Him by trusting what dreams He put in you and believe that He is able to help you accomplish them.

Yes, your journey is yours and mine is mine, but all has been determined by God.  The question is, what do you intend to do about it? Will you simply watch and compare or will you move forward trusting and obeying? Remember, the choice is yours…

What Do You Say To Yourself?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

speakwellofyourselfI have always listened carefully when others speak.  I don’t just listen when they speak to me, I listen to all sorts of conversations that go on around me too.

I learned a long time ago why many people do not live well. I understand why they have problems at work and in relationships; they just don’t hear how they speak to themselves.

Have you ever asked anyone what they wanted out of life? Have you asked them about their goals and the things that they wanted to accomplish?  Of course you have.  Now, how many of those that you have had this conversation with have automatically said to you, here are my life’s goals and then watch them lay them out systematically? How many? I bet one or maybe two. I can almost guarantee that you had more people say that they did not really know what they wanted out of life.  Or maybe those who knew what they wanted, but wasn’t doing anything to accomplish them.When you asked them why weren’t they pursuing their goals, they gave you a million excuses why not. Excuse ranged from “I am waiting for my children to grow up and get out of the house” or “I just have too much going on right now”

Well, we tell ourselves many things, don’t we? Evaluate what you tell yourself about you.  Look deeper at your excuses.  Is it that you are waiting for your children to grow up and get out of the house? Really? Is it that you just have too much going on right now? Seriously? Or could it be that you have just talked yourself out of believing that you can? Do you tear yourself down? Do you tell yourself constantly how stupid you are? How dumb you are? How unintelligent?  Maybe that’s the real problem.  Maybe you have talked yourself out of pursuing your goals because you just don’t think better of yourself.

I want to challenge you to think about what you say to yourself about yourself. If you tell yourself that you are beautiful, smart, “all that” you will probably feel that way, even when you don’ feel that way. However, if you are constantly reminding yourself of all of your faults,  your shortcomings and your areas that are weak, you can bet when you are having a tough time, these will become more pronounced.

love yourselfLove yourself. There is only one of you and you are uniquely wonderful.