I understand why people write blogs. Sometimes it’s to help others; other times, it’s to share information or gather insights about our own experiences. When I sit down to write, I reflect on what I want to share and on things that I have experienced, good or bad.
Over the last few years, I have faced my ups and downs. I have had to make some unpleasant decisions that affected other people’s lives, and I have repeatedly confronted my shortcomings. I don’t care how old one is; facing our shortcomings is hard. However, genuinely looking inward makes us so vulnerable.
I have been in leadership from the very beginning of my work career. After graduating from college, I landed a job in a management training program with the federal government. As a result, I have loads of experience in leadership. Also, leadership is my area of study in both my doctoral programs. As a result, I tend to have very high expectations of people holding leadership roles. My expectations can be exhilarating for some and exhausting for others. Dare I say, demoralizing to others.
Recently, called into question was my leadership. A person I felt I was holding accountable stated that because I asked him “why” in several instances, I made him feel “unsafe” and “demoralized.” I was baffled! More than that, I felt insulted. I thought about that interchange for days. I even prayed about it. Although I prayed, I could not shake his comments. His comments bothered me.
I revisited the meeting in my mind and recalled his posture as I sat there and listened to him. In several instances, I felt he was passive-aggressive. I was sure he purposefully used trigger words to disarm me and come in for the kill. As he spoke, all I could think about was how he misrepresented certain situations we had discussed. I felt he was gaslighting me; for days, his words stuck with me as I tried to shake them off. I kept telling myself, Reflect Christ, reflect Christ, but my anxiety and frustration was getting the best of me.
I have always felt that as distance happens between an event and yourself, the less you feel the pain. After several days, I could stop and take a good look at myself. I asked, are you purposefully trying to demoralize anyone? Do you try to intimidate? My answer was an emphatic No. However, I did learn from that situation that I am still growing. I get hurt like anyone else when others misunderstand my words or actions.
I believe God’s grace bridges our shortcomings. The Word of God says that “His mercies are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness.” At some point, we will all face conflict. We will all be misunderstood. We can sit and stew in misunderstandings or look at them as opportunities for growth. I intend to do the latter. We can also hold a grudge, but as a Follower of Christ, I choose to try to reflect His image everyday.
hours, I noticed the sky was a beautiful red and blue color. I didn’t stop; I kept running, trying to get my workout done. However, I felt as though the red was getting redder and the blues bluer as I ran. I still would not stop (I needed to get done). At some point, though, I felt God had been trying to get my attention gently, but because I didn’t listen, it felt as though He yelled, “Stop and look!” So, I did. I stopped and looked at the sky with amazement. I then took out my iPhone and began taking pictures. I posted those pictures to social media, and apparently, more than 100 people felt the same about how beautiful they were. As I viewed those pictures, I was able to reflect on God’s goodness. What a wonderful life I have lived. I thank God every day for blessing my life as He has done, and I want to be and do all that God has called me to be and do.
As much as I enjoy being alone, forced isolation isn’t something I am very fond of. On Sunday, I went into the office to do a little work and check-in with some consultants. I thought I would get an update and quietly work in my office while they did their thing. I had met one of the consultants but not the other. Once there, another person popped into the office, and before I knew it, 5 of us were in my office chatting away. At first, both consultants were somewhat timid in speaking, but once we got going, so did they. Once we finished with the update, I asked if I could get them lunch. They were about to leave the building when someone said, “How about we walk up the street and eat together?” That’s what we did.
As I drove home, I felt the day was productive. More than productivity, however, I believe that day was ordained. As I thought about a “TFT” (Thought For Today) I post to social media every day, I recalled the one I had posted for Sunday—it was that God created us for relationship. First, relationship with Him and then relationship with each other. The Bible tells us the first command is, Love the Lord, and the second is like it, and that is to Love your neighbor. Loving others is hard, especially when we do not see eye-to-eye. People who don’t think like us can frustrate us, and when we begin focusing on what is so different about them, we lose the opportunity to see what is lovely, even fascinating about them.
forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.” I believe the reason this scripture has been one to stick to through dark days is so we remember God has called us out of that darkness and expects us to live as a shining example for others to see. We are supposed to live for Him. The Word of God tells us in Matthew 7:19-20, “Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore, they will know us by our fruit.”
During these times of isolation, it is so easy to fall into a state of sadness, depression, and maybe even anger. However, we can also choose to look for the lesson in our current situation and try to redirect our thoughts. Think about it, isn’t this the perfect time to see how we can help someone who may be feeling alone, feel loved? Isn’t it an ideal time to take our loneliness and turn it into a tool that can help ourselves and others? One means of doing that is through social media. What an excellent way to reach out to laugh, enjoy the jokes, the comments, the memes, and some of the silliest things people are coming up with just to connect and make life a little more bearable.
I am about to begin that next chapter. I am excited about what God is doing in my life. More than that, I am excited about what He will do in yours. I am not saying to be foolish. I am saying to take time to connect with God during these days of isolation. Reflect on His goodness so that you are not paralyzed with fear. Look back on where He has brought your from and what He has done in your past. Trust yourself too.
Dr. LaSharnda Beckwith 