Have you ever walked into a room and felt you didn’t belong? I understand. I can recall entering meetings and feeling that nobody wanted me there. The glances, looks, or furrowed brows graced the faces of some people present. When I was young, these looks, internally, spiraled me into a series of negative thoughts. I have never thought of myself as not good enough, but I have felt that others felt I wasn’t worthy of acknowledgment. During those times, I sometimes struggled to bring my attention to the purpose of the meeting because of their looks.

Perceived rejection is a terrible thing to deal with. Perceived rejection is assuming rejection before it has happened. Some people are genius at pre-rejecting themselves on someone else’s behalf. These same folks will interpret the squint of the eyes as disapproval and the purse of the lips as annoyance toward them; they assume they are already rejected. Therefore, they embrace behavior that leads them into a cycle of rejecting themselves and others to protect themselves. 

Why do you think falling prey to unfit feelings and destructive behaviors is so easy? If God says we are made in His perfect image, why do we automatically accept that we are not good enough? I tell you why. It’s the human condition! When we get stuck in patterns of pre-rejection, we wrestle with these. We assume the worst about ourselves and others. Our focus drills inward until we see ourselves through a rejected lens. It takes us down a path of assumptions, leading to misunderstandings and broken relationships. God wants us to know who we are in Christ; chosen, approved, desired, and disciplined. Yet, we readily accept the opposite about ourselves because of the reactions from others.

While many of us have external struggles, we also deal with internal battles. The mind is one of the most incredible places of conflict, where external battles are won or lost, and pre-rejection steals our peace and promotes anxious thoughts, influencing our actions and attitudes. Remember, all these thoughts and conflicts are being waged in our minds and seen in our attitudes and actions. So, we must start with our minds in overcoming these feelings of rejection.

Romans 12:2 tells us to “be transformed by the renewal” of our minds.“ Paul encouraged the Philippians to guard their hearts. Protecting our hearts promotes peace within ourselves and our relationships, but just like anything else, we must put in the effort. Our minds naturally run along negative tracks, but we can retrain our thoughts. 

Start by looking for the good in others. Realize when you assume that someone has rejected you, you may be projecting your fear of rejection onto them. They might be frowning in my direction, not because of you, but because of something in their life. Do I still experience anxiety in spaces where people don’t like me? Yep, I do. Do I shut down, close off, and reject them? Sometimes. I am still working on myself.