Dealing with Insecurity

If you are like me, it’s hard to be around insecure people. You know — the ones who always compare themselves to others. It is easy to spot a vulnerable person; they are the ones who continuously check you out. If you look away, they stare at you. If you look at them, they look elsewhere. Insecure people can tell you what someone wore to work today, yesterday and the day before. They can even tell you what you eat most days, or when you change the color of your purse or your shoes. Why? Because they take notice of anyone they believe they compete with.

Look, I know we all face insecurities in life. However, to live in a constant state of vulnerability is entirely different than feeling that way every once in a while. Why is it that some of us feel insecure some of the time while others feel insecure most of the time? It’s complicated. I do believe those who experience constant insecurity can track it back to something that happened in their lives along the way.

Are you insecure and don’t know why? Does it frustrate you to be that way? I bet it does. Insecurity is harmful, and if you don’t face it and deal with it, you will experience negative consequences. Those consequences can result in feeling you are a failure, feeling lonely, experiencing social anxiety, you can have negative beliefs about yourself, and the perfection you seek will never happen.

You may be insecure because you grew up with a negative parent, or maybe your spouse made you feel less than. Oh and don’t forget social media. Yes, social media can cause you to feel insecure. You see the beautiful lives others are living and you compare your experience with theirs. Please try to remember, in general, people don’t usually post their sad stories or hardships on social media. The person who seems to have it together could also be falling apart on the inside, but you don’t know that. The self-confident person will quickly tell you that they have days of not feeling confident, and the person who walks into a room and commands it will probably tell you that they had sweated bullets the night before as they prepared to enter some function.

I have offered many suggestions over the years on how to overcome insecurity; surround yourself with positive people, give yourself daily affirmations, interrupt the critical voice—vocalize your vulnerability and address it, and avoid people who make you feel insecure. However, I want to be clear about what I think of insecurity from a Biblical perspective. Insecurity comes from fear and fear is not from God. Therefore, if you feel like a failure, remember Romans 8:28, In Christ, every failure will work for an ultimate good. If you feel inadequate, God promises that His grace will be sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Finally, if you feel insignificant or unimportant, John 15:16 tells you that you were chosen by God to bear fruit that will last.

You don’t need to compare yourself to others; you are you, and that’s good enough because He chose you.

 

 

 

 

You Make Life Matter…

 

you make life matterI believe that many of our problems can be averted if we would honestly seek to understand other people.  I think many of today’s issues would go away if we weren’t so angry and ready to pounce on each other. I would like to believe that if people would stop talking so much, insisting on being heard, would stop and think before speaking, maybe, just maybe, they would hear what the other person is trying to communicate.

I tell you what I think. I think that today, many feel that they are more important than the other person. We have easily demonized each other, so we don’t have to listen to each other. We are bent on getting our point of view out there, that we don’t have time or patience to wait to hear the other person.  For some, it’s like being on stage.  The problem with the limelight is that we forget sometimes like it so much, we release all inhibitions.

Just think about this for a moment, every one of us ultimately wants to feel that we matter. We want to feel appreciated. I am God’s child.   I am made in His image, and that makes me feel good about me.  You, too, were made in His image. You are who you are, and that’s okay with Him.  Disagreements happen because we have different experiences that we wish others would stop and try to see. When they don’t, we get frustrated. We want people to change to be like us and they won’t, so we get angry.  We want people to hear us, and they don’t, so we get louder and

Stop arguing and start looking at each other as a child of God.  I am God’s child, and so are you.  I am made in His image, and so are you. You are who you are, and that’s okay with Him, but He loves me too.  Disagreements happen because we have different experiences that we wish others would stop and try to see. When they don’t, we get frustrated. We want people to change to be like us and they won’t, so we get angry.  We want people to hear us, and they don’t, so we get louder and more hostile. Ultimately we shut down any and all channels to communicate and to learn to appreciate each other’s ideas, thoughts, and their uniqueness.

When we refuse to change for someone else, when we then stand our ground, not willing to bend an inch to understand the other person, I think we lose.

be the changeThe truth is, no one has to change anything You don’t have to change your views to match mine; nor do you have to change your way of thinking. You don’t have to change your looks to look like the runway models; you don’t have to change so that you have thousands of friends to be okay and you don’t have to be anywhere near perfect either. You are who you are, made in God’s image. However, don’t forget that the person you disagree with is also made in the image of God. Neither may act like they are, but they are. Their behavior may suggest differently, but God still loves both of them. God loves the entire world.

If we agree that there was only one perfect person that walked this earth, Jesus, maybe we can begin to accept that we are different from others and at the same time, we are just like all others, imperfect.

I can’t change how you see the world, but I will tell you that when the world looks at you, the extraordinary people see a unique person with qualities and attributes that only are given to you. If you say to me that there are those who don’t see you, I say, maybe they are not supposed to.  God sees you. He made you. He loves you. You don’t have to accept Him, but He accepts you.

I pray that I will learn to accept others just like Jesus did. Don’t you?LaSharnda

Dr. LaSharnda Beckwith

 

 

Someone Needs You…

someone needs youA friend in India sent me a note and asked if I would do an inspirational video.  She wanted it so that she could play it for the women in her company during Women’s month.  I was so impressed with this young lady when I met her this year as I conducted a Business seminar.  She is a Human Resources Manager and this young woman knows where she is going and has a clear plan in place to get there.  Plus, she is so positive and enthusiastic!

I have been under a time crunch so I didn’t know if I would get it done or not.  So much happened in February. Anyway,  at my age, I automatically thought I needed to schedule some time in the studio and get it done for her. She is a millennial! I love them!  She said, “can you just do a video on your iPhone and send it to me to play?”  I loved it. After doing about 4 videos, I decided on one. The title was: Someone needs you. After doing the video, I began thinking about people like you and decided this would be my blog for this week.

You know, It is so true.  Someone needs you too. I believe that something magical happens when you share yourself with others. When you share your hopes and dreams, you move others to think about theirs.  I started thinking deeply about what I just said and thought to myself that You—not just me—but You are so very special. You can be very impactful to and for others if you want to be. You can either believe that you were designed by God to share love, forgiveness, acceptance, and encouragement with others or not.  If you believe it, you know automatically that all of these positive traits flow from a heart of love that God has given to you . It’s people like you who generate warmth and affection that lift others up to higher heights. You nurture lasting bonds of friendship because God designed you to do so. It’s because of you, others dream dreams and seek to achieve their goals and believe in themselves. Yes, that’s you. Or at least some of you. If you are positive, you know it’s true. someone needs you 2

I know that some of you have been designed to be bold and assertive. It’s easier for you to go after your dreams. I also know that others are a little more passive, somewhat apprehensive, and you kind of know what to do and you will get there eventually. Then there are those of you who are shy and careful and maybe  a little fearful because you don’t know where to start in going after that which God has placed in your heart. That’s okay too.  Each of us brings value to this beautiful tapestry of life.  Although we may be different in our approaches to life, still we have much to add.

We have each been given a special gift from God. Each designed to add value to not only our lives but to the lives of others. Did I say that someone needs you? Well they do.  They need your boldness. They need your passivity. They need your vulnerabilities and your love, affection, forgiveness, acceptance and encouragement. Don’t you agree that if you touch the life of one person; If you can help someone believe in themselves; If they are moved to do more and be more because of you, your job on earth would have been achieved? I think so.

I am going to tell you a secret. Ready? You can either add value to others or you can distract from others.  You can choose to see the best or default to the worst. You can live in envy and jealousy or you can choose to share who you are with others; hoping that what you share is enough because it is.  If we can get it in our heads that we really are special and that we are on this earth to make a huge difference in someone’s life, everything will change.

Are you positive and optimistic? Are you a person who speaks life into others? If you are, I bet you already know the impact you have on others.  I like people like you. Thanks for being available for someone who needs you.