Haters Gonna Hate!

haters gonna hateThe first time I heard the term “Haters gonna hate” I laughed out loud.  I had to think about what the phrase really meant.  You know what I mean? Sometimes we hear these catchy phrases and begin repeating them without really knowing what they mean.

“Haters gonna hate” does not mean that they truly hate others. On the contrary, what the phrase means is people who are jealous or insecure, will always have something critical to say or imply about someone else. The term really only means that if one is a negative person, all they do is find fault, be critical or just plain and simple, have nothing good to offer. I chalk it up to them having low self-esteem. They will never admit it, but I bet they are always comparing themselves to others. Just think about it.  A “hater” has deep insecurity. They put on pretenses that they are confident and strong, when in fact, they are not.  Many times what’s lurking right under the surface is the question “Am I good enough?”  They may be really good at many things, but they seem to zone in on what someone else is good at or what someone else is getting credit for, and it bothers them. Just watch someone who you think may fit these descriptions: They brag to show what they have. They evaluate their clothing, hair, car, home, my goodness, anything to someone they are secretly competing with. The person may not even know that they are in a competition, but the hater knows. Actually, it takes too much energy for me to deal with haters, so I choose not to do so. Why? I can’t change them and neither can you. So, you should not waste your time trying. In fact, you should not give your haters a second thought. I am not joking with you!

karmaLook, haters want you off your game! The truth is they want to be just like you but they will never admit it. They want to look like you, be popular like you, be your size, do the things you do and be good at it like you are.  They may smile in your face and say all the right things to seemingly show support, but all the while, in the back of their minds, they resent you for some reason.  No worries though. I am going to tell you how to deal with them. Because if you would recognize who you are dealing with up front, you can head off your shock when they finally reveal their true colors to you. Here is my advice:

  1. Don’t watch for them, they will show up.
  2. When they show up, don’t be in shock. Tell yourself, LaSharnda said they exist.
  3. Do not waste your time with them. Be kind, professional, and aware, but do not hang out with them. Don’t be fooled into a sense of security with them. They only want something from you because they are not your friend.
  4. Always speak well of them. Even when they are not speaking well of you.
  5. When they do something to undermine you, don’t get even. Laugh.  I am serious. Laugh at the situation.  If you get bogged down thinking about what they did, they win.  You are now distracted, unfocused and vulnerable. You are not winning!  The reason they secretly resent you is because they see you as a winner.

vengenance is mineMy grandmother always said “what’s done in the dark, will come to light.” I couldn’t stand it when she said that. However, she was right.  Whatever it is that someone succeeds at doing to you or even if they try to do something to you, just remember, you don’t have to worry. If you are a Believer, the Bible says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”(Romans 12:19)..

If you are a non-believer, (I wish you were a Believer), but this is for you, Karma is a B—- and remember, “What goes around, comes around.”

 

 

Have You Tuned Out?

I don’t know about Encourage-One-Another1you, but if I don’t watch it, I can easily find myself criticizing everything.

How about you? Can you get on a roll if you don’t like something? Me too.  I  have listened to myself get on a roll if something irritated me.  To think of it,   when I start, I can just keep going and going and going. I think that’s why the word, “whiner” came about.  We just keep whining and whining until no one wants to listen. In fact, I know that’s why kids, spouses and others close to us learn to tune us out.

If you think about it, when we whine, our emotions are not “good feeling” emotions. They are stressful emotions.. They come in the form of irritation, anger, frustration, fatigue, being unforgiving, intolerable or just down right —I want to be nasty today.   I used to tell myself if people would hear how they sound, they would stop, but I am not so sure anymore. I am convinced there are those who love experiencing negativity; they just like to complain or condemn and discourage.

I block out complainers and I make it a point to try to hear myself when I get on that train.  I wantuned-out-2t to catch myself and stop to right away. I don’t want to be a person who becomes the crier of bad news and the person who is the Debbie Downer in every
situation. I don’t want family or friends to think of me as the one who is always negative. I pray to be a positive person and to be a person who can help bring joy to others.

People have a lot to deal with in life and most times, they know when they haven’t made the right decisions. They know when they could have done better but chose to do otherwise. I don’t think they need me pointing that out. I learned this from having a son.  I want to uplift him and help him. I want him to always feel that he can recover from anything; from any failure. Heck, I have.  I don’t want anyone in my sphere of influence to ever feel totally defeated, I don’t care what they have done.
You know, Jesus encouraged others. He didn’t tear them down. He didn’t look at those who was already beating themselves up for their mistakes and beat them down more.  Rather, Jesus strengthened and encouraged.  That’s what we are supposed to do too according to Romans 15:1 “We who are strong in the faith ought to help the weak in order to build them up in the faith.”

If you know you have a habit of becoming negative, stop yourself. If you have tuned out and can’t hear yourself speaking negative, get a true friend who can gently point it out in you and bring you back.  If your words would change and become more positive, I bet your entire life will reflect that too.

 

Push Yourself For Yourself. No One Else Matters..

push yourselfI was out running one morning and was amazed at how many times my mind would tell me to stop.  I could hear myself say “no, just don’t stop.”  As my feet hit the pavement, I felt exhilarated and tired at the same time.  Again, I would hear that voice in my head say, “just stop running and walk; you’re tired.” I would be tempted, but I would literally say to myself, “push, don’t stop.”

What’s funny is I run so early in the morning, and I am living in a new place, so no one knows me and no one cares what I do.  So I could stop if I wanted to do so.  I could just walk, or I could cut my run short and just turn around and go back home, but I don’t.  I don’t because it’s not about the run. It’s about me being able to overcome the negative talk that is going on in my head.  Besides, how will I ever get better if I don’t push myself?

You see, to continue running when my mind says to stop, means I overrule my mind.  My philosophy for every area of my life is “try and try harder. Push yourself until you can’t anymore. Never give up. Give it your all.”  I tell myself constantly all that is required of me is my willingness to try. Plus, I don’t push myself only when others are looking on, I push myself for me.

You see this discipline applies to goals in every aspect of our lives, whether it is selling Mary Kay, Nerium, Advocare, Scentsy or whatever.  This discipline is important if you are going to school and trying to finish a Bachelor’s, Masters or Doctorate. It applies if you are writing a book or an article. It applies to healthy habits and spiritual disciplines. It applies if you are single or married. It just applies to life.

Those who succeed are just gutsy enough to decide that they are not going to listen to what the naysayers have to say, even when their own mind becomes the primary naysayer. They are not going to give up because a sale didn’t happen or a peritsgoingtobehardson let them down. They keep on getting back up and pushing. That’s why some drive their Nerium Lexus or Mary Kay Cadillac or go on Scentsy cruises year after year. They are tenacious. Yes, they experience disappointments just like all of us, but they don’t wallow in them. More importantly, they understand how important it is to get up and do their thing every single day. They don’t freak out over the “no’s”because they understand that all they need is that one “yes.” They are not deterred because the people they thought they could count on, were not the ones they could count on at all.

As much as I love my family, I have always reminded myself of one thing; there are two people I can count on, God and me.  I know it’s important to trust God and to have faith, but I also know that God is not a genie and He wants me to do something with the gifts He has given me.

Many times the reason someone isn’t successful has nothing to do with a lack of skill, it is due to the lack of motivation and the fear of failure. Oh but those successful ones, they find the motivation when it isn’t staring them in the face. They may have some fear of failure, but their faith in God and in themselves, is far greater than the fear. They push when the fearful pulls back. They find a way to climb that mountain when the mountain seems too hard and they run when that voice in their head says “you should stop; you’re tired.”  They respond “No, I am not.”

 

 

Only So Much Time…

 

reflectionsA few days ago, I was walking to the park, letting the breeze hit my face. (This is something I do a lot of the time. I do it as my second exercise of the day, but also to talk to God). When the wind brushes against my face, I have a habit of saying “Lord, I feel You in the wind.” Just a little thing between God and me.

Anyway, as I was walking, a thought occurred to me; “one minute you are 5 years old and before you know it, if you’re lucky, you are 55 or maybe 65.”  It is wonderful to be alive, isn’t it? My mom died at 28 years old, so I’d always feared that I would die before I made it to 28.  I am still alive and far pass the wonderful tender age of 28 and I am so grateful.

Still, I have been thinking about my mortality lately, especially since several people I’d worked with over the years recently passed.

The reality that there is more life behind me than what is in front of me, is daunting.  The reality of my humanness causes me to either push the thoughts out of my mlifeisshortind or I sit and contemplate what’s next. The latter can cause stress because, let’s face it, I want to live forever. Don’t you? Maybe I will feel differently at 90 or 100, but I don’t feel like leaving this world anytime soon.

In fact, I dread the thought of leaving this world. Not because I don’t know what is on the other side, I just don’t think in my humanness, I cannot accept that I will no longer be here in the thick of things.

Listen, I sure don’t want this blog to be a downer, so let’s talk about the time we do have on they earth.  What will I do with the time I have?

I want to make every day matter. I want to get up each day and get going. I want to do things that will make an impact on others and on me!  I just do. I can’t imagine not going after my dreams, whether that means trying to run my own business or trying my hand at a new job. It is traveling to places I have never been, experiencing people and things I have never experienced. I want to tell people about Jesus, but I also want to show people Jesus through acts of kindness. I want to offer hope to others and I want to share in the joy other people experience as they learn how to make their own dreams come true. I want to get up each day and run. I want to write books and articles and I want to speak to the masses. That’s a lot!

What about you? What is it that you have always wanted to do and just didn’t feel that you were qualified to do?  Or maybe you just felt scared. There is no better time than now. There is no better reason than you simply want to try.

life-is-so-short-1-728Occasionally, I remind myself that tomorrow isn’t promised and I then ask myself, what is it that you want to do? I then turn to the scriptures and try to hear what God has to say to me because it’s what He says that matters; not what other people “think” I should do.  How about you?

First and foremost, what should matter is your relationship with Jesus;  never forget that.  I make plans for tomorrow, but I also know full well that I may plan, but it is God who determines my steps (Proverbs 16:9). Knowing this also keeps me humble as I pursue my goals. Seek Him first in all things (Matthew 6:33).

James writes (4:13-14a), “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.’ Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.”

Life is short. What will you do with the time you have been given? Make it matter.

You’ve Come a Long Way Baby

Come-a-long-wayHave you ever looked back on your life and thought to yourself, “Wow, I have come a long way?” Ever sat around collecting your thoughts and considering the life that’s right before you now and thought to yourself, “What a blessed life?” or “What a crummy life?” Have you ever been so mesmerized with the status of your life that you just could not believe you made it to where you are now or are you terrified by the choices you have made and regret every moment of everyday of being you?

Whether you are living the life that you have always dreamed of or if it is just a mess, I believe that you have come a long way.  Everything that we experience in life has been designed to bring us to where we are right now. All of the choices we have selected and the decisions we have made along the way, have all been a part of the process that makes up who we are right now. Good or bad; it is what it is.

It is always good to evaluate where you are. Even if it’s hard to face. By doing so, you have an opportunity to either continue down the path of success or you can now course-correct; you can make adjustments that can alter that path you are on. Maybe you have made many mistakes or bad choices, but I don’t believe it is ever too late to make your life count.

The totality of who you are and what you want to be all fall into one camp; the decisions you  make.  You want to get on the road of success?  Whether that success is in your personal life, professional life or spiritual life, think differently and act differently.  Start to move into the direction of what you deem as success. Don’t sit around and continue to accept mediocrity, or accept excuses or place blame, just do something and make it productive and positive. Make it something that will move you towards your goal of succeeding.

you've come a long way3You have come a long way baby whether you think you have or not.  You have come a long way whether you have succeeded in attaining your goals or whether you have fallen short. If you are where you want to be, great. If you are not there yet, you still have time to get there. However, you must act. You must make changes and do things differently than you have in the past. You see it is easy to accept the status quo and easier to remain complacent. It’s easy because it is comfortable. Doing the same things the same way won’t get you to where you want to be. Be daring, be a risk taker, use your past experiences to your advantage. What have you learned from them? If you re-evaluate them, you will find you have learned a lot.

Whatever you want, won’t just happen, however. It will happen when you begin to do. So get up and get started. You may not have as far to go as you think!

 

Generosity or Greed?

generousMany of us would like to think that we are generous and we would never admit to being greedy. Let’s face it; greed is such a distasteful word.

The Bible tells us “a generous person will prosper; the person who refreshes others will also be refreshed.” (Proverbs 11: 25).  I think we can measure whether we are generous or greedy.  I don’t mean at times you are generous; many are. What I mean is do you hold your “stuff” loosely?  Or do you hold on tight to your “stuff?” Your money, your time or even your skills and talents? Do others have to beg you for everything?

My husband is a generous giver; he has always been that way.  One lovely night, we were walking hand in hand, leaving a Hilton hotel heading to a 5 star restaurant when a woman came out of nowhere and walked right up to him and asked him for money for food. He did not hesitate. He just took money out of his pocket and handed it to her and we begin to walk hand in hand again to dinner. Not saying one word about what had just happened. I remember thinking that I would have never stopped and done that.

Another time I was in Washington, DC with a friend on a freezing cold night. We were driving onto the off ramp, when I noticed her feverishly digging in her purse and braking as she was slowing down on the ramp; I had no idea what was happening.  All of a sudden, she just stopped on the ramp and yelled “Hey, come over here and get this!” a homeless man was sitting on the railing on the ramp in the freezing cold and her goal was to feed and shelter him. Again, I was struck by her generosity.

After witnessing those two acts, for some reason I changed. I stopped thinkinggenerosity 2 the worst when people would stop me on the streets and ask for money or if I would see them on the corner with a sign. Instead of judging their situation, I started thanking God that He had blessed me so and I prayed for them as well as just hand them what I had in my purse.  I used to be good about thinking that people should go and find a job or I would think they are going to get that money and go and drink or buy drugs. I stopped doing that. Why? Because like the two people I witnessed up close and personal, it wasn’t for me to question. I was to do what God led me to do and watch how the person I gave to was blessed; ultimately I was too. Now, I won’t say that I give to everyone; I don’t. However, I do give more than I should probably, but that’s okay, God gives me more than He should also.

I have read that scripture in Proverbs several times. In the Message version, it reads:

                                      The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed ;those                                         who help others are helped.

You see we all benefit from being a little more generous. Not only do we help others, we also help ourselves in that we lose a little more selfishness each time we release something that we want to tightly hold on to.  In the process of developing generous habits, we become more Christ-like. We lovingly give to the poor, we take care of the elderly and orphans, and we enhance the world we live in.

 

New Beginnings…

yournewbeginningCan you feel it in the air?  I can.  There is something new and fresh that is about to happen and I can just feel it.
I get excited when I think about all of the blessings of the past, but I am
excited about what the future holds.
As I have thought about this year of new beginnings, the scripture in Isaiah comes to mind. God says that He is about to do something new; it can be a new life, a new relationship, vision, hope, dreams or opportunities.  Will you be ready?
As you enter this year, are you entering it with an attitude of optimistic expectations or are you locked into your past, holding onto all the disappointments that you experienced?  Will you walk into this year with the attitude that says to anyone near you that you are going to move mountains, live out your dreams and take a more positive and assertive position in pursuing God’s will for your life or have you decided that whatever happens to you is God’s will and what will be will be?  Are you bent on holding onto negative attitudes? Are you comfortable with being passive, waiting for life to hand you your dreams?
11690912-attitude-is-everything-text-written-with-chalk-on-a-blackboardI don’t know which of these descriptions describe you, but I do know that you don’t have to let anyone lock you into a box. If the latter has been you in the past, it doesn’t matter and you do not have to continue that way.  You can decide to change the channel of your life.
I have gained great insight into the psyche of people over the years. I can almost intuitively figure out those who are just talk versus the ones who are a little envious of others. I can even tell the ones who will say they are going to do something and will get it is  done no matter what versus those who say the same thing and will never make one move toward doing anything.
Success, whether in our personal or professional lives, can be measured by our attitudes. God tells us that He has a plan and purpose for each of us, do we believe Him? He also says that He is about to do something new, do we optimistically look forward to it? Or do we brush it off as just historical sayings or stories of Old Testament Prophets?  I am crazy enough to believe Him and maybe that’s why my life seems to experience abundant blessings.  I not only believe Him, I expect Him to do something new. Heck, it’s already starting.
Don’t allow your blessings to slip away because you want to hold onto a pessimistic and naysayer-type attitude.  Look for opportunities that may be right in front of you if you would look for them.  A new thing is going to happen for you. Not because of magic or anything like that. A new thing will happen if you move towards thinking  positive, speaking positive, and acting in a way that will attract the positive things you rightly deserve in life.  Hey, He is about to do a new thing, can’t you feel it?