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Stop Second -Guessing Yourself

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

confidently2Have you ever made a decision only to go back to it over and over again wondering whether you made the right one or not? I have.

Like you, I have made so many life decisions. Especially when it comes to my professional life. I have always been driven to succeed. To me, I take a no hole bars approach to my life. I take an attitude of “the sky is the limit” approach.

Earlier in life, I would just make a decision without thinking of the consequences and go for it; many times it worked out. I think God knew I was young and silly, so He sent angels to watch out for me (at least that’s what I have told myself throughout the years). Later in life I learned the importance of praying before I made a decision. I had heard others say that people do things and pray about it afterwards, asking God to bless it, when they should have prayed about it ahead of time to see if it was God’s will.  That made sense to me so that has been my practice ever since hearing it. On the big important things, it was especially critical for me to stop and pray first before moving forward.

Once I have prayed about it and waited to hear from God, I feel good about moving forward. Here’s the problem though. Suppose you prayed and felt that you heard from God, so you moved forward believing it was Him only to find yourself going back and forth re-thinking or even regretting your decision?  What if you made the wrong decision? What if you didn’t hear from God as you thought you did? What if?

Let me help you with this issue.  I went through this just recently. I made a life-changing decision that would affect not only me, but my family. I prayed and prayed and made my decision only to question whether I had made the right one.  Early one morning during prayer as I talked to God about my insecurities, what came to me was this:  “Stop second-guessing yourself.”

Hmmm. It think it came to me from the Holy Spirit because I was saying to God that I had prayed and prayed and felt I had His answer and now I don’t know.  When I looked at other elements of my decision, I thought to myself well this change puts a dent in my 5 year plan, yet, I wanted to go with the decision I had made. I needed  to make sure God had blessed it.  As I sat in my “prayer chair” again, the words resonated in my mind, “stop second-guessing yourself.”  I smiled because I accepted what I was hearing.

The word TRUST carved into a stone wall. 3D render with HDRI lighting and raytraced textures.
The word TRUST carved into a stone wall. 3D render with HDRI lighting and raytraced textures.

Many times you will make the best possible decisions you can with the information you have. You do your best to do what’s right. What happens is people who don’t want you to do something or maybe they want you to themselves, will speak things into your life that make you second-guess yourself. On the other hand, your mind will play tricks on you and have you question your decision and if you are not careful, fear will consume you. When that happens, tell yourself what is written in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self-discipline.” If you have to say it over and over again, do that.

Anxiety is natural when you are making major life-changing decisions.  The question becomes, do you want to live a life that is full and purposeful or will you allow fear to stop you from fulfilling your destiny? When you make decisions, always pray about them first, wait to hear from God and when you believe you have and He says it’s okay, then move.  If he says no, then stay.  If He says okay and you are fearful to move, ask yourself, “Am I telling God that you don’t trust Him?”  I am sure you don’t want to say that, but your actions are.

Stop second-guessing yourself. Trust God and trust yourself.

 

Happy Attitudes = Happy Lives

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

ecclesiastes-3-12-13
Ecclesiastes 3:12 reads “I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.”  See, there it is!

One writer stated “The goal of every Christian should not be happiness because the Bible never promises happiness to the believer but joy, that is a totally different story.  While happiness is temporary and is based upon happenings, joy is from the Lord and you can still experience joy during trials, suffering, and testing.  Joy is permanent but happiness is fleeting.”

I understand what this writer is saying, but isn’t this just semantics? I don’t disagree, but I don’t think we have to get hung up on this either.  In fact, I feel if we are going to disagree on something, it should not be on whether or not God wants us to live a life of happiness?

11690912-attitude-is-everything-text-written-with-chalk-on-a-blackboardWe should not be fighting over this. So why do we? Is it just easier to sit and fight and to be negative?

Do you think that God designed us to with the attitude of negativity? No, He did not. In fact, the Bible tells us in Philippians to think on things that are good, pure, honest, all of these are positive thoughts. I know that it takes intentional effort to be positive, that’s why Romans 12:2 tells us that it is important to transform our minds and that’s what the Holy Spirit does for us. He helps us to draw from His strength when we would automatically default to the negatives in this world. When our minds are transformed and when we focus on what we are thinking about, I think we will work hard to stop random negative thoughts from becoming permanent negative thoughts that become our daily lives.

The Bible tells us “there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good.” I bet the happiness that is talked about here is not seeking to live our lives out of selfish gain, nor out of stepping on others to get to the top, nor is it in fame and popularity; neither is it just an emotional state that one feels just because something good happened. I think the end of the scripture really tells us how we will live a life that is happy and positive; a life that rejects negativity. We do it in being productive and not idle. We live happy by working and seeing the works of our hands, whether it is something tangible or intangible we produce.

When we reach out and touch the lives of others and when we add to the lives of others, those kinds of acts bring about joy and joy produces happiness in our lives.  Happy attitudes result in happy lives. So, can we actually accomplish what is stated in Ecclesiastes 3?  I think so. That, too, begins with our attitudes towards work and life

Will Your Plans Succeed?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

Businessman shouting her victory to the world

Many times we dream of being a huge success. We daydream of being at the top of the pyramid. We want the highest position and the most money. Oh, don’t forget about power.  We want successful careers as well as success in our personal lives.

Many of us have even dreamed of being as successful as  Oprah, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Mark Cuban, maybe even Donald Trump? While others have more altruistic ideas of success like feeding the hungry and other social justice issues. I have on many occasions, dreamt of living a life that helped others; kind of like what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Mother Teresa have done. Oh, let’s not forget the Pope; especially Pope Francis!

I think that it’s okay to dream of being successful. I know some  don’t think we should. I honestly don’t see anything wrong with dreaming big and reaching for the stars.  Recently, I was pondering my life and looking at some of the successes I have experienced. I was thinking about what’s next. As I pondered,  I considered how important it is for me to make sure my desire for success didn’t control of me.  I thought of how important the Bible is to me and that I want to make sure that as I continue to live and accomplish things that whatever I do is inline with God’s will for me.

Commit-to-the-Lord-whatever-you-do-Proverbs-16-3One morning I was praying about a particular issue I was dealing with and as I read my Bible that morning, I was led to two scriptures. One was Proverbs 16:3 and the other was Proverbs 16:9. In Proverbs 16:3, I was gently reminded if I committed my life to God, He would ensure that my plans would succeed.  Later in that same chapter, in verse 9, it says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”   As I read these scriptures, I felt that they were jumping off the page to speak to me. In fact, I knew they were talking to me. I was struggling with a decision that I needed to make and did not want to move forward because of popularity, money or anything like that. I wanted to make sure that my decisions were not driven by greed or my desire for power. I think those scriptures answered my lingering questions though because I came away knowing that I was in line with what God wanted, but also that if I wanted more success, that was okay too.

Some might have you believe that your dream of success if not what you should think of; that you should settle.  I say they are ridiculous.  Some may say that the goals you set are too ambitious; too audacious, that you should think smaller.  I say, hogwash. Don’t listen to those who will keep you locked in “smallness”.

If God has planted a dream in your heart and you have transferred them from dreams to actual goals, make sure your life is committed to the Lord and then trust Him to help you succeed.   You see, there is nothing wrong with success, it just has to be aligned with God’s will for your life. Always remember to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things will be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33.  I believe that!

 

Stop Complaining…

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

change-the-worldI think it was Gandhi who said “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  This quote really resonates with me because I truly believe that we can change things if we would try.

You might say, “But I don’t want to change the world.” Well, shut and stop complaining. That’s right, stop it. I don’t know about you, but I get tired of hearing folks complain about every thing. If the weather is hot, they want it cold and if it is cold, when will it be hot. It is always something. In fact, there is always something that we can complain about!  What annoys me is that those who are constant complainers, never step up to do anything. Except complain!

I am no different that others, at times; I complain too.  That’s when I have to remind myself that I need to stop. If whatever it is that I want to complain about persists, I tell myself, “ok, what can you do about it? Can you add anything positive to it?” Guess what? My perspective of the situation changes. So instead of sitting on the sidelines and pointing out all that is wrong in the world, step up and do something to help the world.

.I have always had a special place in my heart for people like Gandhi. People who step up when others draw back. I admire those who don’t have much but are willing to give what they have.  People who don’t look at their resources as  being limited, rather they look at the condition of others and they take what they have, as limited as it may be, to help. Listen, small acts become major movements of social change.

Many see Gandhi as a great person, but I see him as so much more.  I say that because our definitions of what or who is great can be based on the superficial.  However, people like Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Teresa, and others like them, are great because of their willingness to make a difference in the lives of others, thus changing the entire look and feel of the world.

great people

How about you?  Do you see yourself as being put on this earth to do something significant? Do you ever feel that you want to do something but you just can’t? You just don’t know where to begin? I bet at times these people felt that way too, but guess what? They did something anyway. If you are like most of us, you want only the best. We want the comforts of life. We want nice homes, big homes, nice cars, luxury cars, higher education, we want to marry well or simply to be independently wealthy.  We want it all. There is nothing wrong with having the good things in life; nothing at all. However, having the niceties isn’t all there is to life.

If you think about the nice things you have, one day they will be gone, or you will be, and then what? Nothing. I have talked about the value of positive attitude and the purpose of life many times.  I don’t believe that our purpose has anything to do with how much material stuff we accumulate over a lifetime. I do believe however, that being able to accomplish our purpose starts with the right attitude, which is a direct result of having the right heart. With the right heart, we can make a huge impact on the world.

Hmmm, maybe if we looked more at the lives of noble people, rather than at the lives of the super rich and famous, maybe  those noble lives will spark a flame in each of us that will help  us believe that we can make a difference too.

Being Different Is Good..

~ authorlasharnda ~ 3 Comments

differentI think we forget that we are all different people.  Oh sure, we say we know that we are different and we come to table with different perspectives, but for some reason, at the end of the day, we still expect the people we encounter to make the exact same decisions that we would make if faced with the same situations.

The fact is, until we truly embrace the notion that we come to the table with different life experiences that filter how we see the world, we will never accept others for who they are.  You may say, that’s not important, but it is. Don’t you want others to, if not value your opinion, respect that you have a right to your own opinion?  I do.

I have been on social media sites and watched television or listened to radio, and I am always frustrated and disgusted when people are so closed-minded that there is no room for anyone else to have a point of view.

I watched a lady get attacked recently because she posted to social media that she had decided to delay having another baby in order to purchase her dream home. What happened next was just down right crazy!  Others attacked her for making that decision.  On the morning news, the media reported the story and even stated that she indeed had the right to decide, but the reason she was attacked so viciously was because people on social media thought that she was out of touch with “everyday” people.  That there were too many other things going on in the world to worry about, rather than her writing that from her pristine life and protected life.  I don’t know her at all, but what I feel is that she did nothing wrong. That’s her life. For some of us, the issue would not be  sitting and trying to decide between having another baby or buying our dream home, my issue could be deciding between continuing working on a business that may not be producing what I want and spending thousands of dollars on holiday with family. I wonder if I chose to continue to put money into a failing business rather than speeding it on my family, if I, too, would be violently attacked. The point is, as humans, each of us have the right to make our own decisions based on what we feel is right for us and guess what? Maybe yours will be different than mine and vice versa.

Hey, chill.  The world would really be a better place if respect replaced exerting our own will. We will do so much better in love and in life, if we can learn to respect each other. Whether you believe the world was created or that it simply happened, that’s totally your own business and your opinion does not affect mine, nor does my beliefs diminish yours. I believe in God, you don’t and that’s okay. You not believing doesn’t affect what I believe at all. Right?

Having different opinions will be influenced by many things that have happened in each of our lives. Having different ideas about life is really more than okay.  It is wonderful because if we were all the same, the world would truly be a boring place. God loves diversity and that’s more than skin color.

God Is Faithful…

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

faithful-god-results-dayDo you believe that God keeps His promises? Do you have problems believing that? Is it particularly hard to believe that when you have unanswered prayers.

These are questions that I know we all have struggled with at some point, but I am here to assure you that without a doubt, God keeps His promises.

I am sure you have had challenges in your life. If you haven’t, just wait. No, I am not going to speak anything negative over your life, but just living will offer each of us some challenge at some point. Some reason to wonder if God cares enough about us that He will do something about whatever it is that maybe consuming us.

Over the last month or so, I have experienced one challenge after another. I am not complaining and that’s probably why they haven’t overtaken me; nonetheless, I have had them. My stress level has been very high. Many days I have had to remind myself that I need to stop and take a break away from everything. You see even with those who may be strong Believers, we can still become overcome with stress and anxiety.

I was thinking about all that has gone on in my life over the last couple of months and all of a sudden, I felt that God spoke to my heart,“ God is faithful.” Those words were powerful and stuck with me. They stuck with me because things were about to turn from dark days to days of sunshine even as a tornado was about to pound upon this part of Texas.

The Word of God says, “All things work together for good to those who love God.” If we aren’t careful, those familiar verses can become ordinary; they can become just common sayings for Believers, but I want to caution against taking familiar passages for granted. God is God and we can count on Him. He has proved his faithfulness over and over again. He was faithful from the time I was born, through relationship issues, self -doubt, mistakes, through my illness in 2011 and through too many other challenges I have faced in my life. He will be faithful to you too. His faithfulness isn’t just for someone special because to Him, we are all very special.

Whatever you go through, whether it is a super duper surprise or something that was coming for a while, nothing is a surprise, nor is it so huge that it will overtake Him. Things happen in our lives, good and bad, to help mature us. Other times, things will happen to test us and at other times things happen to help us learn to

We Were Not Designed to be Perfect

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

NoPerfectPplDo you think that perfection is honorable? It isn’t.  Perfection is a dream that no one can attain.  Even the most respected people must deal with the idea of not being perfect simply because others think of them as being that way. If you have a problem with always seeking perfection and never attaining it, you might want to remember that we weren’t designed to be perfect. There was only one human that was perfect and, of course, that was Jesus.

I have heard people talk about being perfectionists and at times, they berate themselves because they aren’t. They feel that nothing that they do is ever good enough. They can’t move on with a simple project because it has to be perfect. They can’t write a paper or paint a wall or coordinate a table setting because every little detail must be perfect.  I understand what they mean, but I also understand that if I live life that way, I probably won’t get a lot of things done.  If I were to wait for whatever I am trying to do to be perfect, I would be frustrated and deflated!

In fact perfection can be hard on a person. It is debilitating!  It is stifling! and it can be harmful to one’s self esteem.  Talk about a sure way to hurt your self-confidence. You don’t have to because you can choose not to be a perfectionist. You know, sometimes those things that hang us up are our own self-imposed pressures.

Listen, if you want to be successful, learn to accept that doing your best is good enough. Just make sure it is your best.  When you have prepared yourself, worked hard and done all that you can to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve, let the chips fall where they may.  Stop worrying, stop stressing, stop second-guessing. Look yourself in the mirror and say, my best was all I had and I gave all of me. Then walk away confident that if it doesn’t work out, it will be okay because you will be right back trying again tomorrow.

No you don’t have to seek perfection, you just need to be persistent.

 

 

Jesus Christ was the only perfect person.

What Do You Say To Yourself?

~ authorlasharnda ~ Leave a comment

speakwellofyourselfI have always listened carefully when others speak.  I don’t just listen when they speak to me, I listen to all sorts of conversations that go on around me too.

I learned a long time ago why many people do not live well. I understand why they have problems at work and in relationships; they just don’t hear how they speak to themselves.

Have you ever asked anyone what they wanted out of life? Have you asked them about their goals and the things that they wanted to accomplish?  Of course you have.  Now, how many of those that you have had this conversation with have automatically said to you, here are my life’s goals and then watch them lay them out systematically? How many? I bet one or maybe two. I can almost guarantee that you had more people say that they did not really know what they wanted out of life.  Or maybe those who knew what they wanted, but wasn’t doing anything to accomplish them.When you asked them why weren’t they pursuing their goals, they gave you a million excuses why not. Excuse ranged from “I am waiting for my children to grow up and get out of the house” or “I just have too much going on right now”

Well, we tell ourselves many things, don’t we? Evaluate what you tell yourself about you.  Look deeper at your excuses.  Is it that you are waiting for your children to grow up and get out of the house? Really? Is it that you just have too much going on right now? Seriously? Or could it be that you have just talked yourself out of believing that you can? Do you tear yourself down? Do you tell yourself constantly how stupid you are? How dumb you are? How unintelligent?  Maybe that’s the real problem.  Maybe you have talked yourself out of pursuing your goals because you just don’t think better of yourself.

I want to challenge you to think about what you say to yourself about yourself. If you tell yourself that you are beautiful, smart, “all that” you will probably feel that way, even when you don’ feel that way. However, if you are constantly reminding yourself of all of your faults,  your shortcomings and your areas that are weak, you can bet when you are having a tough time, these will become more pronounced.

love yourselfLove yourself. There is only one of you and you are uniquely wonderful.

I’m Trying to be the Best Me…

~ authorlasharnda ~ 2 Comments

 

 It is so easy to get caught up in trying to be someone else. There isn’t anything wrong with looking up to someone you admire. Nor is it wrong to look at the successes of others so that you can learn from what they have done; maybe you can do better. In addition, there isn’t anything wrong with changing how you look because you saw a particular look on someone else that you really like. There is nothing wrong with any of these.

Here’s the problem. When you become so obsessed with another person so much that you cannot appreciate who you are is not healthy. It’s a problem if you look at someone else and see inferiority rather than equality or if you see the other person as being superior to you and you lose sight of your own worth. These are problems.

The best that you can do for yourself and that you can give to the world comes with you working to be the best “You” that you can be. It is not you, trying to be the best “someone else you want to be.”

How do you become the best you? Stop focusing too much on what someone else is doing. When you find yourself constantly focusing on another’s successes, when you find yourself secretly resentful and even upset when another person is winning; when you can’t execute your own plan because you are too busy watching what someone else is doing, you are obsessing.

Your best self is your true self. Enhancing oneself is okay, losing your own identity is quite another story.  Who you are is just as valuable as the person you are watching. You are no more and certainly no less than anyone else.

Trust me, someone wants to be like you, so be your best self. always Somebody’s watching.