I must admit that I am not that easy to warm up to. I take my time to feel people out before allowing others to see my vulnerabilities. Also, I am not the kind of person who openly shares my life with someone who hasn’t earned the right to know.
When I was young and my grandfather was alive, I can recall how warm and friendly he was. I guess that goes with the job of Pastor, but he was just a calm, gentle soul that I adored. When I was a girl, he said to me, “If you want friends, show yourself to be friendly.” As I grew and read my Bible, I found what he was saying without saying it in a condemning way was scriptural. The scripture is found in Proverbs 18:24, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
I didn’t think I needed close friends in my early adult years. If I had one I could call my best friend, that would be enough. I know that there are varying levels of friendship, and I also believe that some relationships are for a season, some seasons being longer or shorter than others. What’s really important, though, is to understand that even the varying levels of friendship are important to our growth.
For example, if you had a friend that you trusted, but they somehow hurt you, you can learn from that relationship. I hope you will not learn to distrust people, however. What I pray you took away from it is that only some people or relationships are as deep as you may perceive them. It may be hard to accept this, but I bet there were warning signs along the way. It could have been something small that you brushed off or something huge that hurt you, but you chose to ignore it. You can see those signs as vividly as you would on a day alone. No worries, it’s over, move on. God is ready to replace that person with someone else. You were never meant to be alone.
Friendship is biblical; just as Genesis 2:18 points out, being alone is not good. God created each of us to be in fellowship with Him. But He also made us have a desire for community. Just think of all the places where you and I can form special friendships: work, home, school, church, and our neighborhoods or communities. I have learned that friendships play a unique role in my life. So, instead of disregarding others, I look to cultivate strong bonds, knowing that some will last a lifetime and others will last for a season.
Whatever God’s purpose is for those you have the honor of befriending, trust that He will help you find the right circle of friends. And when some do not work out as you had hoped, look to the lesson and wait to see who God places in your life next.
I am one to sit quietly so that I can think and reflect. I generally consider what’s going on in my current life; I think about what I am doing in order to get where I want to go. One thing that I have always made my practice is to take account of those who I allow into my inner circle and how to manage those I don’t let in. You see some people think that every person they meet is supposed to be a deep and personal friend when that’s just not the case. It’s just not!
Jesus had an inner circle too. They were His disciples, yes but even within the inner circle of His disciples, there were some who were even closer, or rather, he allowed to see things others did not see. These disciples shared in some of Jesus’ joys and sorrows. Peter, James, and John were the only disciples allowed to accompany Jesus when he raised the daughter of Jairus from the dead (Mark 5:37). These same disciples were the only ones on the mountain when Jesus was transfigured in the presence of Moses and Elijah (Mark 9:2). Jesus even gave nicknames to these three. I didn’t say that they were His favorite, I am just pointing out that not all of His disciples experienced Him the same.
Dr. LaSharnda Beckwith 